Five Ways to Write a FanFiction
by Kooshball
Summary: More stories of Izzy, a Sydney girl from 2003 in the 4077th MASH.
1. Street Urchin

Kooshball Note: THIS IS NOT A SELF HELP GUIDE! This is merely a reason for me to use Izzy in a fic again. If you do not know Izzy, go read "Not a TV show" before reading on.  
  
Still reading? You must be at least familiar with Izzy then. Good.  
  
This first one is in first person perspective, or a POV fic. It's in Charles' POV, even though I know most people wanted a Hawkeye POV, about how Charles first learns about Izzy.

* * *

'Come on, Charles, lighten up,' BJ says.  
  
'Yeah, we'll grow on you sooner or later,' Hawkeye adds.  
  
'I don't want you to "grow on me". I want to go back to Tokyo!' I snap.

* * *

"Dear Mother and Father. I have been in this hellhole known as Korea for a week now, and I am still no closer to leaving. The Colonel tells me I am here permanently."

* * *

I calm down a little before continuing on. 'Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go to our tent, and listen to music.'  
  
'Come on, Beej, let's leave Charlie to his music,' Hawkeye says, slouching off toward the officers club. I have to restrain myself from yelling at him. How many times have I told him my name is Charles Emerson Winchester? I head to the tent I have to share with "Hawkeye" and "BJ", which is named "The Swamp". I hate to admit that it suits it.

* * *

"The camp is in the middle of the biggest mud puddle in the whole of South Korea, and it's three miles from the front. Three! How we haven't been over taken by North Koreans I don't know."

* * *

Picking out a Bach record from my collection, I lay on my cot to relax. How I am meant to relax, let alone sleep on this hard piece of canvas, I do not know. I close my eyes, only to open them again when I realise someone is stumbling into the tent.  
  
'Is Hawkeye here?' a young female voice slurs. Standing in the doorway is a girl of about nineteen, with dark blond hair. She stumbles into the tent further and falls over onto Hawkeye's cot.  
  
'Who are you?' I ask. She looks too young to be part of this MASH unit, but then again, Radar seems to be of the same age, if not only a year or two older.  
  
'Private Izzy Parker,' the girl answers, trying to salute me while lying on Hawkeye's cot. 'I need to talk to Hawkeye.'  
  
'Captain Pierce is not here. He went with Hunnicutt to the officer's club,' I tell her. She didn't reply.

* * *

"The operating room is terrible. The lighting is bad, there is barely any room, and we work for eight hours or more at times. I don't know how I'll survive..."

* * *

'Private?' I ask. Cautiously, I moved toward her, and checked her. She was still breathing. I moved her onto the cot properly, and rolled her over onto her back. I would let Pierce and Hunnicutt to deal with her when they came back.  
  
'What's Izzy doing here?' Pierce asked loudly.  
  
'She came in here looking for you,' I grumbled, turning over. I had been dreaming that I was back in Boston and he had ruined it for me by waking me up.  
  
'Izzy,' Hunnicutt mumbled gently. 'Come on, Hawkeye needs his cot back.'  
  
'It's ok, I'll sleep in my chair,' Pierce said.  
  
'Must you make so much noise?' I demanded, suddenly sitting up.  
  
'Shush, Charles, you'll wake her up,' Pierce snapped back. I was surprised. It was the first signs of a temper I had seen from Pierce.  
  
'What do you care, she's only a child,' I said.  
  
'She's an orphan,' Hunnicutt said, trying to calm Pierce down. 'Hawkeye likes to look after her.'  
  
'I have no idea why you'd waste your time on a street urchin,' I muttered before laying down again.  
  
'I have no idea why you'd waste your time on a street urchin,' Pierce mocked. 'There's some great human compassion for ya, Beej.' There were a few sounds of them settling down, and then, just the silence of the Korean night.

* * *

"I cannot stand it here much longer! The showers are cold, the food is rank, and the noise! Occasionally, it is quiet, but other nights, the air is filled with gun fire and explosions! I swear, if they don't finish this war soon, I will finish it for them."

* * *

Three nights later, I am trying to read when Pierce, Hunnicutt and the young girl come in.  
  
'Hey, Charlie,' all three chorus at once.  
  
'Pierce, Hunnicutt, street urchin,' I greet. I know it will annoy Pierce to hear his precious lost dog being called "street urchin".  
  
'I'd watch it if I were you, Major,' the girl says. 'The last guy to cross me was belted by Hawkeye.' I ignore her. Soon, all three leave and head to Rosie's bar.

* * *

"I try to withstand this camps idiocy, but sometimes they outdo themselves. But between drunken children and a man wearing dresses, there is only so much I can stand."

* * *

It's only a few hours later when the girl comes back in. She stumbles in the door of the Swamp again, and collapses this time on Hunnicutt's bed.  
  
'You know,' she says, looking at me and pausing before going on, 'you know, you can be a real great bloke when you want to be, you know?' She started giggling.  
  
'What are you on about?' I said. Her accent was quite hard to place. It seemed to have picked up on a few on top of her own, and it made me wonder where she was from.  
  
'You don't know me, but I know you,' she said. For a moment, she seemed sober, but then she fell backwards onto Hunnicutt's cot. Again, I left her for Pierce and Hunnicutt to find.  
  
I was awakened several hours later, by Pierce and Hunnicutt moving around.  
  
'Don't wake either of them,' Pierce warned.  
  
'I know,' Hunnicutt replied. 'But where am I supposed to sleep?'  
  
'Take my bunk, and I'll sleep on my chair again,' Pierce offered.  
  
'Aw, Hawk, I couldn't do that to you,' Hunnicutt said.  
  
'Hey, I've made Izzy my responsibility. If she falls asleep on your cot, it's only fair that I give you mine,' Pierce said.  
  
'Hey, she's everyone's responsibility. I'll sleep on the chair tonight,' Hunnicutt replied. There was no more arguments about it from either Captain. For a moment, I wished I had a friend who'd give up his cot for me, no matter how uncomfortable it was.

* * *

"According to the other people of this outfit, it gets incredibly cold here in the winter, and unbearably hot during the summer. Send my fur coat as soon as you can. Knowing the mail, I'll get it just as it gets cold if you send it right away."

* * *

One night, I decided to visit the small Korean owned bar the girl always went to. I was wondering what sort of place would serve minors, and if they had a few bottles of '41 port. The girl was there, sitting at the bar, beckoning every so often for another drink.  
  
'Charles,' she said, greeting me like an old friend. 'Sit down, have a drink on the Army.' I sat beside her, wondering if she always made little sense.  
  
'I'll have a wine, year 1940 if you have it,' I said.  
  
'No wine, but got beer,' the small Korean lady said.  
  
'Fine,' I mumbled. Was nothing here civilized?  
  
'Charge it to my account, ok, Rosie?' Izzy said. 'Just that one, mind.' The Korean woman nodded and disappeared. 'Enjoying Korea?' she asked, looking at me with a grin on her face.  
  
'No,' I replied stiffly.  
  
'Think of it this way, it's better than fighting in the trenches,' the girl told me seriously.  
  
'Hmm,' I said. She was right, much to surprise. She was smarter than I gave credit for. 'What's your name?' I asked her.  
  
'Didn't you know?' she asked in surprise. 'That's right, you've been calling me street urchin. I'm Izzy.'  
  
'Short for Isabelle?' I asked hopefully.  
  
'Nope, just Izzy,' she replied happily.  
  
'Where did you come from? A high class of society?' I asked, knowing there was no possible way that this rough looking child would be a high class citizen.  
  
'No, just a thief,' she said, not so happily. 'Kicked outta home at fifteen, been on the streets until I came here.'  
  
'What city are you from?' I asked, wanting to find some link for her to be high class.  
  
'Sydney,' she said. Sydney? As in that dirty place with all the large hopping rat things? Well, it explained her accent, especially if adopting some of the other's accents. I was disappointed, but not ready to give up. She just had that air of being well-bred, and I was determined to find it.  
  
'Is there anything regal in your background?' I said, desperately. It was a long shot, but...  
  
'No,' Izzy told me. 'Nothing flash about me. I'm just a street kid from Sydney, with no history, and no future.'  
  
'How can you say that!' I said, slamming my fist onto the bar. Izzy jumped.  
  
'Gee, what's with you?' she asked.  
  
'You have the quality of being from a well off family,' I said. 'I can tell. Winchester instincts have never failed my family. It's how we knew not to by tickets for the "Titanic".'  
  
'What, so you're saying I'm gonna hit an ice burg and sink?' Izzy sniggered.  
  
'I just want to know why!' I said loudly. Suddenly, she looked guilty at my outburst.  
  
'I'm from a rich family. Believes in good manners, and such. My mother was annoyed when I did something that didn't fit in with our sort of people and she kicked me out. She died, a few days later,' Izzy told me, looking down as if she were ashamed. I was silent for a while.  
  
'I'm sorry for bringing it up,' I said eventually. I left Izzy at the bar, and went back to the Swamp.

* * *

"No one here is civilized. Just the other day, someone in the mess tent started a food fight. Luckily, I've found a Korean housewife who offered to do my laundry for a few dollars a day. She does a good job, and worth every penny, maybe a few more."

* * *

Izzy came into the tent later that night, while I was in the latrines. I found her passed out on my cot.  
  
'Sorry, Charles, we were just about to move her,' Pierce said hurriedly. He seemed to want to keep me in a good mood for some reason.  
  
'Leave the girl where she is!' I snapped. I went to Pierce's putrid chair and sat down in it. 'I shall be sleeping here tonight, and she may have my cot.' Pierce and Hunnicutt looked amazed, and it was worth the horrible night's rest to just see the looks on their faces.

* * *

"Concerning the lack of civilized people, I have found a young girl who appreciates my music, and taste in books. The most surprising thing about her though, is that she is homeless, with not a penny to her name. Usually, I'd disapprove of a Winchester consorting with the likes of her, but considering my other choices, I think you'd be pleased."

* * *

* * *

Kooshball Note: Ok, that's it for the first person perspective. Like it? Hate it? Stupid idea? I want to hear what you have to say about this!  
  
PS. MASH-NUT-4077 if you are reading this, (And I hope you are) can I use your Random humorous dialogue that you left as a review for "Not a TV show" for this fic? It, of course, will be credited to you, as it should be. 


	2. History

Kooshball Note: Second person perspective! Where the writer TELLS you what you think, and you are a character! I don't think I've seen anyone do second person before in a fic, except maybe in one of TakenHawkeye's drabbles. Anyway, I thought it's be good to dig into Izzy's past a little.

* * *

'Aw, crap,' you say, looking down at your skirt. 'My fave skirt, and I've just ruined it.'  
  
'Come on,' Paula replies, pointing to a nearby Target. 'They have a sale on right now, thirty percent off all clothing.'  
  
'Excluding underwear, socks and hosiery items,' you say in a low voice, imitating the ads. Both of you laugh, likes it's the biggest joke since seventies fashion. You follow Paula in after you've finished laughing, and start pawing through the racks. After a few skirts and a pair of jeans had been picked out, you go to the changing rooms to try them on. Most are too big, or too short, and don't come in another size. The jeans are way too short, and tight around the waist. You notice a skirt hanging on the hook on the back of the door which someone must have left there earlier. What the hey, you think, shrugging. Wouldn't hurt to try it on. It's a pastel pink colour, and maybe a touch to long, but you can always tack the hem up a bit when you get home. Other than that, it fits like a dream.  
  
'Hey, I never saw those skirts,' Paula says as you emerge from the changing rooms to show her.  
  
'Someone left it in there,' you explain.  
  
'How much is it?' Paula asks, twirling you around to check the price tag. 'Hey, eight dollars. That's pretty good.'  
  
'It's nice, too,' you mention, looking down at it. It also looks fabulous with your long sleeved off white top. You go up to the checkout woman. 'Can I buy this and wear it out of the shop? The skirt I was wearing ripped, you see,' you tell her. The woman sort of sneers at you, but the manager, who happens to be an acquaintance of your mother's steps in.  
  
'Sure, Izzy, just rip off the tag, and we'll scan it for you,' she says. Thanking her, you leave the store with Paula, and catch a bus home. You and Paula have been friends since preschool. Since you and your mother moved to a more expensive part of the city, though, you haven't been able to see her as often as you like. As Paula gets off the bus, you wave to her.  
  
'See you later, Izzy,' Paula calls out. You stay on the bus for another half hour, and get off at your street, wishing you and Paula were still neighbours. You wander up your driveway and start to fit your key into the lock of the front door. The door handle is ripped out of your hands, and your mother pulls you in hurriedly. Your mother is a fiery woman, with light brown hair and brown eyes. She's tried to teach you to be well behaved for as long as you can remember, which has caused you to rebel a few times. Even though she is shorter than you by at least a foot, you cower a little as she glares at you, then starts yelling.  
  
'How could you bring drugs into this house! After I've looked after you, put a roof over your head, and tried to teach you how to be a young lady!' she screeches.  
  
'What are you talking about?' you ask, knowing exactly what she was talking about. She must have found Darren's stash in your sock draw. He needed it to be kept somewhere safe until the cops had stopped watching him. It would be just like your mother to go through your things.  
  
'You're lucky I didn't call the police!' she yells, ignoring your feeble attempt to shrug off the responsibility. Suddenly, you begin yelling as well. You're sick of how she tells you how to live, how to act, and how she tries to be the perfect rich person.  
  
'If you had called the cops, you'd have been arrested, because the drugs had been found on your property!' you shout. 'And even if you thought you could get off having a fine because they were in my room, and you didn't know about them, you still wouldn't, because that would start the neighbours talking. "Did you hear about Sheila's girl? She was found with half a kilo of marijuana in her room. What a bad mother.".'  
  
You both stand there, quiet for a moment. You regret yelling at your mother, she has a tendency to send you to live with your aunt when she's mad.  
  
'Get out,' your mother growls.  
  
'I'll get my stuff to go to Aunt-'  
  
'No, get out, now. Don't come back, ever!' she says, cutting you off and getting louder. You turn and run, your key still in the door, and only ten dollars in your wallet. You never see your mother again.

* * *

'I need a place to stay the night,' you say as Paula opens the door. She lets you in, and you both go to her room. Crying, you tell her the whole thing. When you finish, you feel embarrassed about your tears, and swear you'll never cry again.  
  
'She can't kick you out, can she? You're only fifteen,' Paula says.  
  
'That's the legal age you can leave home. I don't think there is much I can do,' you say.

* * *

You stay at Paula's house for five days before the police come. You hide in the back shed when Paula answers the door. Her mother and father are at work, so you don't have to worry about them telling the cops where you are. They leave after about ten minutes, and Paula come to get you.  
  
'Izzy,' she says, 'this isn't easy for me to tell you, but... your mum died yesterday.'  
  
'What?' you ask, a weird feeling in my stomach.  
  
'One of the neighbours found her, and the cops have been looking for you since. Because you haven't been at school, and you didn't appear to be at home, they're trying all your friends,' Paula says.  
  
'How'd she die?' you ask. Paula tells you. Your mother died from a drug overdose, and it seems it was the stuff you were minding for Darren. Paula's mother came home at that moment, and kicks you out, telling you that you and Paula are never to see each other again, due to you and your mother's actions. You leave, wondering who you can turn to.

* * *

'Sorry, Iz,' Darren tells you through a chained door. 'I've decided that we should see other people. Besides, you own me half a kilo of dope.'  
  
'Hey, it's not like I used the stuff, and I never wanted to watch it in the first place,' you say.  
  
Shrugging, Darren says 'Tough luck.' You turn away, and disappear into the back alleys of Sydney.

* * *

During your three years of being homeless, you have joined FFD (a group of older street kids who have been on the streets since they were eight), stolen out of every shop in the central part of the city at least once, and spent so many hours being questioned by the police that you've lost count. Speaking of being questioned by the police, that's where you are now, concerning a stolen DVD player you had been caught with. You can tell that the shop owner Carl stole the DVD player from is behind the double mirror, you can hear the murmuring of the owner talking to the cops. Carl is one of the members of the FFD. You make a good team with him, you both being the best of the best in the shoplifting business.  
  
A female officer finally comes in. 'You're free to go,' she tells you. It's the best birthday present you could ask for this year, not to be busted. Nodding, you leave the station quickly, before they realise you aren't Natalie Holland like you told them. Luckily you look innocent due to your large eyes, blond hair, pink skirt and white top. You always wear your skirt and long sleeved top when you know you're going to be stealing or receiving stolen goods because it makes you look like you're honest. According to the police files, Izzy Parker died a year ago, so that's why you give false names when taken into the police station. Your favourite so far has been Anna Pierce. Two blocks from the station, Carl appears. You wait for him to wish you a happy birthday, but it doesn't happen.  
  
'Too bad about being busted,' he says. 'We'll have to get something else to replace the DVD player.'  
  
'That small shop at Palmer street?' you ask. Carl nods. 'Met you in the next street over,' you say, heading North.  
  
'Don't get nabbed,' Carl yells.  
  
'Hey, I haven't been caught stealing since early last year,' you yell back. 'Just then doesn't count because I didn't steal the player.' You start jogging, knowing that the sooner you get something, the sooner you'll get to eat.

* * *

Half an hour later, you're in the shop you and Carl agreed on. You've declined help from the shop keeper, but have decided on the small digital camera in front of you. Expensive, and easier to hide. You grab it and there is a yell from the back of the shop. Quickly, you run, realizing the shop keeper has seen you grabbing the camera. Luckily, you're fit, and the shop owner appears to be a bit on the bulky side. It's alright for him, you think bitterly as you wind around people in the street. He doesn't have to wonder when his next meal will be. You run out onto the road, and suddenly, the street turns into a dry, country landscape. The red Ford heading right for you turns into a jeep, and you can see the dark haired man sitting in the drivers seat. As the front of the jeep connects into your side, it blows up.  
  
You struggle to sit up in the spare cot of the Swamp, realizing that the explosion was really just thunder from the storm outside. You look around to make sure this isn't the dream, and you calm down when you see BJ breathing steadily in the bunk across from you. The door of the Swamp opens, and the dark haired man you saw in the jeep of your dream enters.  
  
'You ok, Izzy?' Hawkeye asks you, taking his soaking jacket off. 'I heard you yelp.' You nod and mumble something about nightmares. He sits on the cot and looks at you. You stare back into his blue eyes, and sniffle, half from your cold, half from the sadness trying o escape you.  
  
'You know when we thought you'd blown up in that jeep, Hawkeye?' you ask. Hawkeye nods. 'Well, I cried my eyes out when I heard. Back in Sydney, after I'd been kicked out of home, I promised myself I'd never cry again.'  
  
'Hey, it's ok to cry,' Hawkeye tells you. You nod, and move so you're sitting next to him, and you lean heavily against his side, letting a tear fall. You don't know what you would have done if Hawkeye had been blown up in that jeep. He's the only one who has made you feel really safe since you left home.

* * *

Kooshball Note: Chapter three may be a while, it's a fair bit longer than chapter 1 and 2. Tell me if you like chapter two, and what sort of thing you'd like to see next! 


	3. Anniversary and birthday

Kooshball Note: Finally, I've written chapter three! Yes, most fics are third person. Nearly the whole of "Not a TV show" was third person. But anyway! This one, I wanted a little bit of a romance. I think someone wanted Izzy and Radar to get together, but instead I've brought in another character. Tell me what you think.

* * *

Izzy was sitting on Radar's desk, swinging her legs and whistling the theme song to "The Simpsons", which Colonel Potter, in his office, found extremely annoying.  
  
'Radar, if you don't cut out that whistling, you'll soon be a Private!' he roared from the depths of the office.  
  
'What's wrong with being a Private?' Izzy yelled back, not offended by the Colonel's threat. There was quiet from Potter's side of the double doors. Izzy had been acting a little weird lately, standing up suddenly in the mess tent and leaving, muttering things under her breath, staring into space when people were talking to her, that sort of thing. If the whistling was going to be part of it, Colonel Potter didn't want to say anything just yet. Izzy continued whistling after a few seconds, jumped down from the desk and left Radar's office. She started heading towards the mess tent, sarcastically wondering if all MASH units got such fine cuisine. Halfway across the compound, she was startled by a yell.  
  
'Incoming!' Radar shouted, a few seconds before the ambulances were heard by Izzy. They soon rolled into the compound, while everyone else was running around, trying to organise everything for a long haul in OR.  
  
'This guy can wait a while, but get that Private into Pre op, I'll do him first,' Hawkeye yelled from the back of an ambulance.  
  
'He's gonna be ok, right?' one of his friends asked. He was a Corporal, and the least hurt out of his group. He'd only suffered a broken arm, which Hawkeye quickly checked over.  
  
'Yeah, he'll be fine,' Hawkeye replied, wondering why the man sounded slightly familiar. 'Hey, Izzy!'  
  
'Yes, Hawkeye?' Izzy said, jumping into the ambulance and trying not to look at the bodies that still had to be moved out.  
  
'Take this guy somewhere clean and out of the way, and find a nurse to set his arm. You can help them,' Hawkeye said. Izzy nodded, and stepped off the ambulance. She waited for the Corporal to get down, then led him towards the main tents.  
  
'They'll be ok, won't they? My friends, I mean,' the Corporal said. Izzy nodded. She left him in Radar's office, and ran off to find one of the nurses. She came back a few minutes later with Nurse Kellye.  
  
'You're in good hands, soldier,' Kellye told him.  
  
'When will they be alright?' the Corporal asked.  
  
'Give them a few hours,' Izzy said, holding the plaster and everything else Nurse Kellye needed.  
  
'You're an ANZAC, aren't you?' Kellye asked. 'Australian New Zealand Army Corps, right?'  
  
'Yeah,' the Corporal said, sounding as surprised as Izzy looked. 'How could you tell?'  
  
'I recognized the accent. Izzy is from Australia too,' Kellye replied, nodding towards Izzy.  
  
'I didn't notice the accent,' Izzy muttered.  
  
'I didn't know you were an ANZAC, either. Probably because we're so used to how we talk,' the Corporal said.  
  
'I'm not really an ANZAC,' Izzy said, but the Corporal didn't hear her. He was too busy cringing with pain as Kellye did something to his arm.  
  
'Take him to the mess tent or somewhere, ok, Izzy?' Kellye said. 'I'm needed in OR.' Izzy nodded and Kellye walked quickly from the room. Izzy led the Corporal the mess tent and filled two trays of food. She sat down opposite the Corporal and quietly started eating.  
  
'So what part of Australia are you from?' the Corporal asked.  
  
'Sydney,' she said. The Corporal nodded knowingly.  
  
'I haven't been to Sydney before. I'm a Victorian, so when I signed up, I went down to Melbourne, and they put me on a plane here,' he said. Izzy almost choked on a piece of potato.  
  
'You signed up?' she asked, slightly shocked.  
  
'Peer pressure. All me mates had been sucked in by the propaganda in the newspapers and dragged me into the city to sign up with them,' the Corporal said. 'No conscription in Australia like in America.'  
  
'I'm Private Izzy Parker, by the way,' Izzy said, extending a hand.  
  
'Corporal Xavier Millar,' the Corporal replied, shaking Izzy's hand with his uninjured arm.  
  
'Don't forget to enjoy your stay at the 4077th MASH,' Izzy said, going back to her eating.

* * *

'Colonel, the soldier in bed nine needs to be quarantined,' Margaret was saying.  
  
'Set up the VIP tent, then,' the Colonel said, walking away before Margaret could say anything else. The Australian soldiers weren't doing very well, with five dead, two with Post op infections and now one was contagious. Izzy was acting a little strange, and Hawkeye and BJ had been stirring Charles up recently, making the Major edgy. With the lack of personnel due to nurses on R and R, and a few gone home, it had turned into a long week. Izzy, who'd been sitting in the corner with Xavier and reading his letters from home, stood up and went over to the Colonel.  
  
'You can use my tent for quarantine,' she said 'and I'll sleep in the Swamp.'  
  
'The VIP tent is fine, Parker,' Margaret snapped, coming up.  
  
'What does it matter?' Potter asked.  
  
'I'd feel more helpful if he were moved into my tent, sir,' Izzy said. The Colonel sighed. When Izzy wanted her own way, she always played the "I'd feel more helpful if" card.  
  
'Move him into Parker's tent,' Potter said. 'Make sure it's marked clearly as being quarantined, and move out your belongings into the Swamp.'  
  
'Yes sir,' both Margaret and Izzy mumbled before moving off quickly.

* * *

'Why did you insist on that soldier to be put into your tent?' Margaret asked Izzy as Izzy pulled her footlocker out of the small tent.  
  
'He's an Australian,' Izzy replied.  
  
'So if he were a Greek, or an Englishman or from any other country, you'd have just let him stay in the VIP tent?' Margaret asked. Izzy nodded. Margaret sighed loudly, and started to nail the "quarantine" sign to the door. 'I don't understand you, Parker,' Margaret snapped angrily.  
  
'I don't know why. Me offering my tent to the quarantine was just another example of patriotism. Wasn't that what you and Frank were always telling me to show a little more of, patriotism?' Izzy asked.  
  
'That and a few manners,' Margaret said after a moment of silence. Both laughed quietly, hoping no-one saw them getting along together. Both had agreed months ago that being friendly to each other could ruin their reputations.

* * *

'"Dear Mother and Father",' Charles spoke slowly into the tape recorder, making sure no-one was around listening to his personal tape home. That was the problem with recordings. Someone like Hawkeye could come in any time you were recording, and ruin the whole thing. Charles had already started this letter twice because of him and BJ.  
  
'"The girl, Izzy, has seemed preoccupied recently. No doubt Pierce and Hunnicutt know what's wrong with her, and if they don't, surely Klinger will. But something tells me they don't. The buffoons probably don't even realise there is something wrong with the Private".' Another cautious glance around.  
  
'"I mean to find out myself, and cheer up the only person in this camp with the tastes of a Winchester, as she deserves nothing but the best offered to her..."'  
  
'Mail!' Radar yelled, banging open the door of the Swamp.  
  
'You idiot! You've ruined my recording!' Charles yelled. Radar beat a hasty retreat, and Charles rewound the tape he was trying so hard to record on.  
  
'"Dear Mother and Father",' he began, a little tersely.

* * *

'So what's been bothering you lately?' Hawkeye asked Izzy as they both walked into the Swamp.  
  
'What do you mean?' Izzy asked.  
  
'You've been acting like there's something wrong,' Hawkeye replied, heading straight for the Still.  
  
'There's nothing's wrong,' Izzy said a little sulkily, looking away.  
  
'Izzy, you've been playing with your dogtags so much recently, that you can barely read them any more!' Hawkeye said exasperatedly. Izzy's hand flew straight to her dogtags when Hawkeye mentioned them, but pulled away quickly again. 'You're lucky I know your dogtags better than mine. What would happen if you were injured by a bomb or something?' Hawkeye asked. Izzy just muttered something about exaggeration before leaving. Hawkeye groaned as he sat down, closing his eyes and sipping his martini.  
  
'Hey, Hawk,' BJ said, coming into the Swamp.  
  
'Mmm,' Hawkeye said noncommittally.  
  
'Do you think Izzy has been acting strange lately?' BJ continued, hanging his towel on the end of his cot.  
  
'She has. I can't get her to say a thing, though,' Hawkeye replied, standing up to get another martini. 'She hasn't told you why she's acting weird, has she?' Hawkeye suddenly demanded, turning around to face BJ.  
  
'If I knew what was wrong with Izzy, I'd have told you. You know that, Hawk,' BJ replied.  
  
'Maybe if we got her drunk,' Hawkeye said thoughtfully, 'she'd tell us.'  
  
'She'd see what you were doing from a mile away,' BJ pointed out.  
  
'I bet Charles knows what's wrong,' Hawkeye said loudly, glancing at the third tent mate's belongings. 'He and Izzy have been chummy ever since he arrived.'  
  
'Or Klinger. When she hasn't passed out in here from drinking, she's passed out in his tent,' BJ suggested.  
  
'Radar always knows what's going on, maybe he knows,' Hawkeye said.  
  
'She could have confessed something to the Father, though she hasn't confessed anything to him before,' BJ added.  
  
'We should find out,' Hawkeye said, staring at his friend determinedly. BJ nodded in agreement.

* * *

Klinger ran into the Swamp noisily, making Izzy look up from folding up her clothes.  
  
'Izzy! I have good news!'  
  
'You just saved a bunch of money on your car insurance by switching to GEICO?' Izzy asked without thinking.  
  
'...What?'  
  
'Nothing.' Izzy shook her head. She had to stop acting so weird all the time, otherwise Sidney would be called in and she might get sent home. 'Sorry, what is it?' she asked.  
  
'Corporal Millar, Xavier, he's being shipped home in a few days,' Klinger said.  
  
'What for?' Izzy asked, worried.  
  
'His superiors told him that he'd done his service, and he could either sign back up or go home. He chose to go home,' Klinger explained.  
  
'Thanks, Klinger,' Izzy said, going back to folding up her spare clothes.  
  
'Aren't you happy?' Klinger asked.  
  
'Sure I am. Shouldn't you be doing something? Harassing the Colonel for a discharge, making a new dress, that sort of thing?' Izzy asked. Klinger left quietly, and Izzy suddenly felt bad. Klinger was one of her friends, and she'd just shrugged him off, as if he were Frank Burns.  
  
That night, after guard duty, Klinger went back to his tent and found a slip of paper with the word "sorry" written on it, and Izzy asleep in the corner of his tent, a bottle of alcohol still in one hand.

* * *

'Alone tonight, Izzy?' Xavier asked, coming into the Swamp the next night. Izzy looked up from sitting in her cot. She'd been flipping a book Charles had lent her. He still had this fantasy about her being well bred, literate and into all of the fancy stuff he was into. Izzy tried to keep Charles' opinion of her high by at least listening to his records and looking through his thickly bound books, even though she didn't enjoy reading or classical music.  
  
'Yeah. Charles is on Post Op duty, Hawkeye has a date and BJ is running the projector for "Bonzo goes to College" in the mess tent,' Izzy replied.  
  
'Why aren't you watching the movie?' Xavier asked.  
  
'I can't stand Bonzo,' Izzy grinned.  
  
'Want to know the truth? Neither can I,' Xavier said. Both laughed.  
  
'Sit down and we'll hate Bonzo together,' Izzy offered. She obligingly moved her feet as Xavier sat on the foot of her cot.  
  
'Do you miss Sydney?' he asked.  
  
'More than I thought I would,' Izzy admitted. 'I don't have too many fond memories of it.'  
  
'That's too bad,' Xavier said. He edged a little closer to Izzy. Her heart rate went up a little, but Izzy just ignored it.  
  
'Want a drink from the Still?' Izzy asked.  
  
'Will either of the Captains mind?' Xavier asked.  
  
'They won't mind if I said it was ok,' Izzy replied.  
  
'I'll pass,' Xavier said, smiling. 'Last time I drank was my twenty first birthday, just two months ago. I was sick for a week.'  
  
'You're pretty young to be fighting,' Izzy commented.  
  
'The clerk of this unit is the same age as me, and you look younger,' Xavier said. He moved up beside Izzy and gently picked up her dogtags. Izzy didn't move as he read them. 'Yep, definitely younger than me. Nearly nineteen,' Xavier said, letting the dogtags fall back down. His green eyes locked onto Izzy's brown ones, and for a moment, neither could look away. Xavier lent forward, and Izzy could feel his breath on her lips. Their lips touched gently for a second before Izzy pulled away instinctively.  
  
'Oh, god, I've done the wrong thing, haven't I?' Xavier asked, standing up. 'I'll go now, and we can pretend nothing happened.' He started for the door, but Izzy got up and gently caught his uninjured arm.  
  
'If Hawkeye knew about this, he'd say you'd done the wrong thing and send you back to Post op for a few days. But you haven't, I just wasn't expecting it, that's all,' she said, moving close to him. As they both sat back down on Izzy's cot, Izzy promised herself she'd stop if it looked like it was going to go too far. Half an hour later, when Charles finished Post Op duty, Izzy was pleased to note that she'd been able to keep her promise.

* * *

'Hey, Charles,' Hawkeye said, sitting on one side of Charles in the mess tent, BJ sitting on the other.  
  
'What do you want?' Charles snarled.  
  
'Just because we're talking to you doesn't mean we want anything, does it, Hawkeye?' BJ asked, pretending to be hurt.  
  
'But?' Charles asked.  
  
'In this case we do,' Hawkeye finished.  
  
'Izzy has been acting weird,' BJ said. 'We want to know why. You talk to her a lot, do you know why she's been acting like she is, saying weird things, fiddling with her dogtags?'  
  
'No,' Charles replied.  
  
'Are you sure?' Hawkeye asked.  
  
'If I knew what was wrong with the street urchin, she'd no longer be upset,' Charles said. He often called Izzy a street urchin in front of Hawkeye, because he knew it annoyed him. But Charles had a soft spot for Izzy, really. 'Now go away,' he said.  
  
'If that's the attitude you're going to take,' Hawkeye said as both Captains stood up.  
  
'I'll ask Klinger, you go ask Radar,' BJ suggested. Hawkeye nodded, and both left the mess tent.

* * *

'Hey, Klinger,' BJ said, stepping past a mannequin doll in Klinger's small tent. 'Have you been talking to Izzy lately?'  
  
'Sorta. She's been acting a little weird, and I can't find out what's up with her. You wouldn't happen to know, would you?' Klinger asked eagerly.  
  
'Actually, Klinger, that's what I was going to see you about. Hawkeye and I have seen Charles, Margaret and the rest of the camp. No-one knows what wrong with her,' BJ explained.  
  
'Tell me when you find out, ok? I'd like to help cheer her up, you know?' Klinger said.  
  
'Will do, Klinger,' BJ replied. He turned and went to the door, where he stopped. 'By the way, that dress would look great in green,' he said, teasingly.  
  
'Thanks,' Klinger said sarcastically as BJ left, laughing.

* * *

'Radar,' Hawkeye said, walking briskly into the Corporal's office. 'I need to talk to you.'  
  
'If it's about my mouse, I said I was sorry that it escaped into your cot!' Radar started angrily.  
  
'I wanted to talk to you about Izzy,' Hawkeye said.  
  
'Oh,' Radar said. Pause. 'What did you want to know?'  
  
'Has she told you why she's been acting strangely lately?' Hawkeye demanded.  
  
'Well, no,' Radar said guiltily.  
  
'You know something, don't you?' Hawkeye said.  
  
'Izzy never told me why she's been acting all strange and saying weird stuff, so I followed her,' Radar said.  
  
'Tell me,' Hawkeye said.  
  
'I shouldn't...' Radar said slowly.  
  
'Radar, you've reduced me to giving an order. What happened when you followed her?' Hawkeye asked.  
  
'Promise you won't get mad?' Radar asked. Hawkeye nodded impatiently. 'I saw her and that Corporal Millar together,' Radar said.  
  
'So?' Hawkeye asked.  
  
'They were kissing,' Radar said.  
  
'I'll kill him,' Hawkeye said as BJ walked in.  
  
'No luck with Klinger. Who are you killing?' BJ asked.  
  
'Radar said he saw Izzy and Xavier together,' Hawkeye said.  
  
'As in a date?' BJ asked bemusedly. 'I knew she'd take a fancy to someone eventually.' A glare from Hawkeye told BJ that he wasn't impressed. 'Calm down, Hawk. You've had more nurses than any of us can count, remember. You'll just have to accept that Izzy is acting like she is. Maybe it's what she needs, what's been bothering her. Maybe she just wanted ... a friend like that.'  
  
'Maybe you should get Colonel Potter to talk to Izzy,' Radar suggested. 'He's good with stuff like that.'  
  
'Not a bad idea, Radar,' Hawkeye said in surprise, forgetting his anger with Xavier for a moment. 'Is he in?' Radar nodded. Hawkeye and BJ walked through the double doors into the Colonel's office to talk about Izzy to Colonel Potter.

* * *

Izzy leaned casually in her chair. She knew she hadn't done anything recently to upset anyone, so she knew she couldn't be in too much trouble. Colonel Potter watched Izzy carefully for a few moments before starting to talk.  
  
'Izzy, I don't usually talk to you on a one to one basis, I'm always to busy with Hawkeye, BJ, Klinger and the rest of them. Compared to them, you seem to have no problems at all. But recently, around the camp, people have been noticing a change in you. I know this isn't Hawkeye passing on paranoid rumours again, like when he thought you had been abducted by the North Koreans, because I've seen it in you myself. You're more distracted, making mistakes, and saying unusual things, even by your standards.  
  
'Normally, I'd let you work it out with the others. Now, that's not negligence, I just know everyone will keep an eye on you, and another one will just make you feel too over protected. But this time, no-one knows what's wrong, and you won't tell anyone, which is disrupting the whole camp. Now, whatever is wrong, you can tell me,' he said.  
  
'It's my birthday in a few days,' Izzy said. 'The same day Corporal Millar is heading home.' Colonel Potter was stunned for a moment.  
  
'I don't see...' he began before realizing something. 'You're homesick, aren't you?'  
  
'Pretty much. Considering I don't miss that much from Australia, being away from it for the first time for so long bothers me a little. The ANZAC soldiers in the Post op remind me what it's like back home. And with Xavier leaving, that's even worse. He's like no-one I ever met before. But the main thing is it's the first time in four years I've had my birthday with anyone I'd consider proper family. Maybe longer, my mother never cared, or never around. Too worried about her reputation with the neighbours. But to have my birthday on the same day Xavier leaves, the same day I arrived here, at the 4077th... it was the best present I could ask for, being landed in a fantastic bunch of people like you, by the way,' Izzy explained.  
  
'Ah,' Potter said, seeing the light.  
  
'But no-one knows. No-one has asked me when my birthday is, no-one's seen my files since I joined. I don't want a big fuss or anything, I just wanted someone to acknowledge my birthday, or the day I arrived here,' Izzy said.  
  
'Do you want me to talk to Hawkeye and the others?' Potter asked.  
  
'No, it'd just seem stupid then. Don't worry about it, I'll just sit it out,' Izzy said. After she left, Colonel Potter considered calling Radar in and telling him to spread Izzy's birthday, but decided if Izzy didn't tell anyone herself, it was her loss.

* * *

'Goodbye, Xavier,' Izzy said.  
  
'See you later, Izzy,' Xavier said, grinning before getting into the jeep beside one of his pals. 'Give me a yell when you get back to Australia, ok?' He handed her a piece of paper with his address and phone number on it.  
  
'The minute I'm home and the war is over,' Izzy promised. Hawkeye and BJ smiled at Xavier, glad he was heading home.  
  
'Oh, one last thing,' Xavier said as the driver got into the jeep. 'Happy birthday.' Hawkeye and BJ almost fell over as the jeep started up, the roar of the motor blocking out Izzy's thanks. Xavier saw Izzy's mouth moving and knew it was a thank you. He saluted Izzy casually before turning around to face the front of the jeep. The jeep moved off, and Hawkeye and BJ were left to stare at Izzy.  
  
'Your birthday?' Hawkeye said, unable to say anything else.  
  
'Why didn't you tell us?' BJ demanded, grinning. Izzy shrugged casually, and started to walk away, whistling the theme to "The Simpsons".  
  
Kooshball Note: Well, this ended up slightly longer than I planned it, so hopefully you aren't all too tired from reading it all. Plus it's a little rough, (or seems so to me) as I wrote different parts and different times and put it together later. Hopefully it's ok. Reviews help, so don't forget to leave one.

And thanks to MASH-NUT-4077 for the use of your quote. This chapter/fic grew from that!


	4. Seeing Sidney Freedman

Kooshball Note: Sorry about the huge delays in updating. Usually, I have chapters up within days of each other. But at the moment, I have mid term exams I haven't studied for, homework and assignments I haven't done and two short story competitions I'm working on. But, just having got season three of MASH on DVD, I should have heaps more inspiration for up coming fics. Anyway.  
  
Reading one of those "How to become a writer" books, I found an interesting writing exercise. The idea was to write just the speech of the characters without the "he said", "she did" and so on. I've just called it a "Non description" fic. It's just Izzy speaking to Sidney, but hopefully it's half decent.

* * *

'Afternoon, Izzy. Where's Hawkeye?'  
  
'G'day, Sidney. He had work. Big flu epidemic at Crab Apple Cove. I'd be helping, but y'know, I had this.'  
  
'We could have rescheduled.'  
  
'Nah, it's ok. BJ is there for the weekend, he and Hawkeye will be able to handle everything.'  
  
'Where were we last week?'  
  
'Uh, I think I was talking about the early episodes.'  
  
'Early episodes, Izzy?'  
  
'Yeah, except they're not episodes, not now, anyway. I loved it when Trapper was at the 4077th. And Henry was a great Colonel, though he should have let Margaret and Frank get so big headed.'  
  
'You've met Trapper, right?'  
  
'A year after the war. He came up for Hawkeye's birthday, you see. It was a big surprise to Hawkeye, he never knew I told Trapper he could come to Crab Apple Cove whenever. The last time I saw Trapper must have been last year sometime. Yeah, it was definitely last year. He is such a funny guy. He glued a spoon to the kitchen table, and it took Hawkeye two days and three hardware shops to find a glue solvent to unglue the spoon.'  
  
'Trapper is quite the joker.'  
  
'He and Hawkeye got into all sorts of mischief in Korea. That propaganda film they made was funny. I don't know if anyone still has a full copy, though Margaret might. Have you seen it? I'll ask her next time I see her. She and Frank were such prying Majors. There was the time Hawkeye and Trapper pretended Radar's nose was broken so a plastic surgeon could fix someone else's nose, and they tried to butt into that. Radar is great too, helping me when I needed something. He helped me get rid of Flagg the first time, you know? Flagg was really annoying, always trying to nab someone or other for being a communist. You have to wonder what he was on. My ex- boyfriend, he had some serious stuff at one time. Actually, he always had serious stuff. I regret watching it for him, it's what got me kicked out of home in the first place, and what killed my mother. But then again, my mother was a real –'  
  
'Sorry to stop your rambling, Izzy, but you seem a little flustered. What's happened to make you like this since I saw you last?'  
  
'Frank Burns turned up at Crab Apple Cove, musta been two weeks ago. Insisted on seeing me, for some strange reason. Well, you know how well he and Hawkeye get on. Hawkeye refused to let him into the house, I suppose some of the stuff Frank did in Korea still stings.'  
  
'And?'  
  
'And Frank just camped out on the porch. I couldn't go outside for a week. Hawkeye wouldn't let me and I didn't want to see Frank particularly either. I felt so confined. I wouldn't let Hawkeye ring the police, either. Old habits die hard. Still don't trust them since Sydney. Anyway, I tried nipping out the back while Hawkeye was out, just to remember what it was like to be outside. Frank heard me and came around the back. He was a mess by then, dirty, smelly, hungry. The only times he left the porch was to use the toilet in the park just down the street, and the only food he got was dug out of garbage cans. It was like how I used to live.'  
  
'What did Frank want?'  
  
'He... he said he had to talk to me. Cornered me beside the veggie garden. He asked me, "Why are you so popular? How did you do it?", just before Hawkeye got back and belted him in the mouth. Hawkeye dragged me back inside, and yelled a little. After he calmed down, he explained that he didn't want me to get killed by Frank, not after we'd survived Korea without too much injury. I told him Frank didn't have a weapon or anything, and didn't want to hurt me.'  
  
'What did Frank mean when he asked why you were so popular, do you know?'  
  
'Turns out Margaret told old Ferret Face about everyone wanting to take me home, like the dog at the end of filming a movie. The actors and crew get attached to the animal, and everyone wants to take it home, but the producer usually gets it. I explained it that way to Frank, just a few days ago. Frank then told me what he'd been doing since Korea. His wife had left him, one of his kids died, no-one liked him as a doctor and went to the new bloke who'd also come from Korea, the 8063rd if I heard right.'  
  
'You compared yourself to a dog?'  
  
'Yeah, I know, pretty stupid. It was the only way I could explain it, and it comforted Frank to know that I was only like a stray dog.'  
  
'A very popular stray dog.'  
  
'You're not going to start, are you? Hawkeye and BJ have already given me a hard time about the whole dog thing.'  
  
'Sorry, Izzy. Did Frank go home?'  
  
'Well, he stayed a few more days until BJ arrived. Beej talked him into going home three days ago. I've never been so happy to be outside in my life. Considering I've spent a big part of it wishing I were inside.'  
  
'The streets of Sydney?'  
  
'Pretty much.'  
  
'Tell me about your family.'  
  
'What, in Sydney? I don't have any family in Sydney. I was an only child, and both my parents died while I was still living at home.'  
  
'What about Hawkeye? Wasn't he planing on adopting you?'  
  
'Yeah, Hawk, Beej and Daniel were discussing that last night.'  
  
'What were you doing?'  
  
'Pretending not to listen from the next room.'  
  
'Ah.'  
  
'Daniel jokingly said that Hawkeye could marry me, that way I'd be family. Hawkeye said if Daniel adopted me, I'd be Hawkeye's sister, or if he adopted me, his daughter. BJ turned around and said that I didn't need to be adopted to be a part of their family. He said I had already been adopted into everyone's families at the 4077th. I agree with him.'  
  
'Izzy 4077.'  
  
'Huh?'  
  
'I was seeing how it sounded if your last name was "4077".'  
  
'Very funny, Sidney.'  
  
'Thank you.'  
  
'I was being sarcastic.'  
  
'I know.'  
  
'Oh.'  
  
'What happened next?'  
  
'BJ came through the lounge room to get something from his room and caught me listening in. He just winked, and kept walking. I followed him to his room, and I talked to him.'  
  
'What about?'  
  
'I asked him about how his family was going. Erin just passed her sixth birthday, and Peg is pregnant again. He said Erin was still yet to meet her auntie Izzy, and that Hawkeye and I had to get to his place sometime. I suggested he bring the family to Maine, but nothing has been decided yet. Peg hasn't met me either, but she keeps on sending me parcels of biscuits and cakes. I haven't the heart to tell her I despise fruit cake, though.'  
  
'Fruit cake?'  
  
'BJ said it was a habit Peg picked up during the war. Because it took so long to get to Korea, fruit cake was one of the only things she could send that wouldn't go rotten.'  
  
'I hear she's quite the cook.'  
  
'She is. I just can't stomach fruit cake. It's ok, though, Hawkeye and Daniel love it.'  
  
'How is Daniel? You've grown attached to him, right?'  
  
'Heck, yeah. He's great, funny like Hawkeye, though is sensible when you want him to be. He was really supportive with the whole Frank thing, gave him food on my request when I found Ferret Face was living out of rubbish bins, even though Hawkeye had forbidden anyone to talk to him. He's excepted me like I was his daughter, or granddaughter. I think he's given up on Hawkeye giving him grandkids, so I'd be his last hope to have grandchildren, as weird as that sounds.'  
  
BEEP  
  
'I guess my time is up, hey, Sidney?'  
  
'I guess so. Same time next month?'  
  
'That'll be great. I'll let the secretary know.'  
  
'Say hello to everyone for me.'  
  
'Ok, will do, Sidney. Bye.'  
  
'Goodbye, Izzy.'

* * *

Kooshball note: I have the idea for the next chapter, but it may be a while. Please wait patiently for it, but in the meantime, read and review my other fics if you haven't already done so! 


	5. Deaf

**Kooshball note:** Thanks to Lonaargh for the info used to rewrite chapter five. Hopefully, this is more realistic.

* * *

Izzy stood up shakily, hoping nothing was broken. She stayed on her feet for a few seconds before landing heavily again. Her ears ached, but other than that and her loss of balance, she seemed to be ok. Izzy had been checking a noise just outside of camp when a bomb landed nearby, blasting her off her feet. As she checked herself over, someone tapped her on the shoulder, making her jump. She turned to see Klinger, looking a little worried. He was mouthing something at her, but Izzy couldn't hear what he was saying. When she went to reply, she realised she couldn't hear her voice either.

Klinger helped Izzy towards the camp, the girl having to grip Klinger shoulder every five steps to keep her balance. Izzy wasn't worried yet, just shocked. She couldn't be deaf, that would mean a ticket home. But it appeared that she was. She couldn't hear a thing, not even the bombs hitting the landscape behind them. Izzy strained her ears painfully for a sound, any sound, but she heard nothing, except for a slight ringing.

Like she was expecting, Klinger took Izzy straight to the Swamp. Hawkeye and BJ were sprawled across their bunks, jumping as the Swamp door was swung open and banged into the tent wall. Charles wasn't there, he had been given a few days R and R just yesterday, and headed for Tokyo. The near empty pitcher told Izzy that Hawkeye and BJ had been drinking before they had passed out, and probably discussing home, where ever it may be. Izzy half sat, half fell onto Charles' bunk as Hawkeye and BJ sat up. Klinger's mouth was moving quickly, but Izzy still couldn't hear a thing. After a second, Hawkeye stood up quickly and started checking Izzy over. He checked her for wounds first, then looked into her ears.

She had to ask; was the deafness permanent? Hawkeye said something, but realised Izzy couldn't hear him, so he shrugged. He mouthed something at her, pointing to his watch. Only time would tell.

Izzy tried not to cry. She couldn't imagine being in this weird silent world forever. Already she missed the crickets in the fields around camp, the click of Klinger's heels, the bombs in the distance... well, maybe not so much the bombs.

Klinger tried taking Izzy's riffle from her, which she amazingly still had a hold of. Izzy snatched it back. Just because she couldn't hear, didn't mean she couldn't do guard duty. There was some argument between her and the three men, but Izzy chose not to look at them while they tried to get her to rest. She told them that it was her turn on duty that night, and she wasn't going to go to bed, just because she couldn't hear.

She gave up after a few minutes, and was escorted back to her tent. Hawkeye, BJ and Klinger all hoped that the deafness wasn't permanent, and her hearing would be back in the morning. Izzy wasn't as optimistic, she knew what was coming to Father Mulcahy in the upcoming year.

* * *

Izzy woke up late the next morning. She was used to being woken up by people yelling, usually either from volleyball or casualties. She headed for the Mess tent after getting dressed, stumbling as she still didn't have her balance right yet. Some people mouthed greetings to her, but Izzy just nodded.

Margaret insisted on sitting with Izzy after she'd been served. She asked Izzy something, and Izzy just shrugged. There wasn't much else she could do, and she didn't want everyone to know she was deaf. That would be a one way ticket home. Margaret gave her a look but Izzy ignored it. She was good at that.

Hawkeye joined the two after a while, and squeezed in between them, much to Margaret's disgust. He was overly happy, probably to draw attention away from Izzy's deafness. It seemed that her deafness was obvious to everyone, and Hawkeye's antics were just enforcing the others thoughts. They weren't really, but she felt they were.

Izzy figured Hawkeye knew she didn't want anyone to know just yet, and that's why he was acting the way he was. Izzy appreciated it. She thought Hawkeye might also think it a little unbearable without her if she went home, but she was only guessing.

She and Hawkeye left after they had finished, leaving Margaret to wonder why Izzy had been so quiet that morning, even with all of the questions she had pushed onto her. Hawkeye took Izzy to the Swamp, and they sat down, Hawkeye pouring himself a martini first. He downed it, pour himself another, then began to question Izzy. Izzy had to rely on gestures and sign language to understand what he was saying.

He asked her if she wanted to go home to Sydney by drawing Australia (badly) onto a piece of paper. Izzy shook her head.

He asked her something, pointing to his ears. What would she do if she was permanently deaf?

It took Izzy a few tries to understand what he was saying, but when she realised, she just shrugged, she only knew she didn't want to leave at all. She told him, even if she were forced to leave Korea, she'd probably never go back to Australia. Hawkeye asked her something else, but Izzy had to be written a note before understanding him. Where would she go, if not Australia? Izzy shrugged again, she hoped she wouldn't have to think about that for a while. Hawkeye shrugged, shook his head, and didn't try to question Izzy any more. Izzy felt thankful. She didn't feel like charades for the rest of the day, let alone her life.

* * *

It was another day before Izzy was half used to not hearing. She avoided talking to anyone so no-one would realise she couldn't hear, and she found most people left her be, especially with wounded coming in. She also found she noticed things more.

Klinger was limping slightly, from when he had slipped in the mud trying to get to Izzy after the explosion, the night Izzy lost her hearing, and wreaked one pair of heels, not to mention a favourite skirt. She asked him about it, and he explained through writing that he didn't want to draw attention to himself.

Margaret stayed awake longer than everyone else by the light of a candle in her tent, probably thinking about Donald, Frank and every other man she thought she loved. It was none of Izzy's business, so she let Margaret be.

Radar was finding it harder to work, having loads of it piled on him at a time. Sometimes, Izzy went in and helped, after letting Radar in on the secret that she couldn't hear, after making him swear he wouldn't tell the Colonel.

Izzy was surprised at all of the small things she found out. In Sydney, she thought she had good eye sight, having to spot security coming from a mile off, and to see where all the surveillance camera's were. Either she had lost her touch, or losing one sense really did enhance the others.

* * *

Colonel Potter finally noticed something was amiss on the third day. He called Izzy into his office over the PA system, but it wasn't until BJ found her that she went. He told her that he had noticed something strange with her, and demanded to know what it was. Izzy still couldn't hear this, so she decided on telling the Colonel the truth. She told him plainly that she was deaf and couldn't hear, letting BJ explain the rest.

Potter pulled a discharge paper from his desk draw, and Izzy stood up hurriedly. She pleaded with him to let her have a few more days, to see if the deafness would clear up. She still hadn't organised a home if it hadn't.

* * *

Charles came back the next day. He had got her to listen to his new Bach record, and halfway through when he realised Izzy wasn't really listening, asked her what was wrong. Feeling as if it didn't matter if anyone else knew, Izzy told him.

Charles checked Izzy over himself, not trusting Hawkeye to have checked her properly for permanent signs of damage. When he was satisfied, he sat down. Like Hawkeye, he couldn't say whether Izzy would be able to ever hear again or not.

* * *

Izzy was called into Potter's office every day, accompanied by Hawkeye or Charles. Every time she pleaded for more time, even though she knew it was getting hopeless. She played with the thought of pretending to get her hearing back, but she knew that wouldn't last. Colonel Potter would probably test her when she told him, to make sure.

Izzy walked across the compound on the fifth day, not realizing Hawkeye had stopped to talked to a corpsman. She headed slowly towards the Swamp. She never heard Hawkeye yell out, or see him run towards her. She did, however, just see the medical van he had been trying in anguish to warn her about, heading for her, and she jumped out of the road. She landed on her backside, and jarred her tailbone. Not enough to do damage, but enough to hurt and to keep her from standing up for a good five minutes. Hawkeye was checking her over in a moment as Izzy sat in the mud in pain. Hawkeye forced her to look at him and spoke clearly to her.

He wanted her to go home.

* * *

Izzy sniffed, packing her bags. She always thought she'd last to at least see Radar go home. She walked out of her tent slowly, and headed for Post op to say goodbye to Hawkeye and BJ. She walked in the door, and stopped when she realised she could hear something. BJ and Hawkeye hadn't noticed her yet, they were too busy talking.

Izzy shook her head. She didn't know what she could hear, or where it was coming from, but she could hear it. She jumped when she went over her thoughts again. She could HEAR!

Izzy yelled loudly and started dancing around, startling both Hawkeye and BJ. No doubt they'd just think it was a rouse to stay in Korea, but after a few tests, they'd realise that she could hear! Maybe it was her hearing coming back. Maybe she'd be allowed to stay. Until the next disaster at least.

* * *

**Kooshball note:** Again, thanks to Lonaargh for the facts on how deafness works. I keep telling myself I need to research these sort of things before writing about them, but I never do.


	6. The reunion

**Kooshball Note: **You wanted more Izzy, you've got more Izzy!

This one is just the first five ways combined into one to make a new chapter/story. I think one or two people wanted to see Izzy after the war in Crab Apple Cove, so that's where it's been set.

****

**First Person Perspective – Izzy's POV**

'Hawkeye! Why hasn't the spare room been set up?' I yelled down the stairs. Hawkeye ducked out from the kitchen.

'I haven't had time,' he replied. I rolled my eyes and went to the linen cupboard.

'Can't trust him to do anything,' I muttered, pulling sheets out. Hawkeye had planned a 4077th reunion and we had offered beds to BJ, Trapper, and Klinger. Charles, Radar, Father Mulcahy and Margaret were also coming, but they had chosen to stay in the small bed and breakfast at Crab Apple Cove. It would be the most business it would see for a while. Neither Frank or Colonel Potter had been able to make it, though the Potter's had sent their regards.

'Where's Daniel?' I yelled out, wrestling with the sheets, trying to get them onto one of the beds.

'He had to go to the shop for something,' Hawkeye replied, entering the spare room. 'Need help?'

'No, I thought I'd just leave the bed like it is,' I replied sarcastically, stepping away from the bed. The sheets were crooked, the pillows were on the floor, and the mattress was half off the base of the bed. Between us, Hawkeye and I fixed it up.

'You're lucky I'd already fixed my room for BJ and Peg,' I told him as we headed down the stairs.

'I'm sorry, I've just been busy,' Hawkeye apologised again.

'Doing what, playing cards?' I teased. Hawkeye grinned me. It had been about three or four years since we'd left Korea and come to Crab Apple Cove. I'd grown my hair long since then, worn in a ponytail. Men my age couldn't keep their eyes off me, but Hawkeye still made sure they kept their hands off me.

There was a knock at the door.

'I'll get it!' Hawkeye hollered, and we both ran to the door, fighting each other off playfully to greet the first arrival to the reunion. When the door was eventually opened, Trapper greeted us with his trademark grin.

'What's new?' he asked, giving me a quick hug.

'Oh, you know, the usual stuff. Izzy forgot to make your bed, so I had to make it just then,' Hawkeye said, slapping his old pal on the back.

'I forgot?' I asked, punching Hawkeye lightly on the arm. Trapper laughed.

'Izzy, how could you?' he said.

After half an hour of reminisce between Hawkeye and Trapper, BJ and his family arrived.

'Hi, BJ, Hawk's in the lounge,' I instructed him.

'Hey, Izzy. Thanks,' BJ said, pulling a suitcase just inside the door.

'How are you, Izzy?' Peg asked as BJ disappeared around the corner.

'I'm great, Peggy. Hello, Erin,' I knelt down to give Erin a quick hug.

'Hello, Auntie Izzy,' Erin said shyly.

'This must be little Mike,' I cooed at the young baby boy in Peg's arms. Peg nodded.

'You can hold him, if you want,' Peg offered. I shook her head hurriedly.

'No, that's ok. Babies don't like me,' I told her. Peg, Erin and Mike went to sit with the three war buddies, to listen to their stories, while I struggled to get the Hunnicutt's suitcase upstairs and into my bedroom. I had given up my room because it was bigger than the spare room, and Hawkeye hadn't wanted to give up his own room. Instead of my own bed, I was sleeping down stairs on the couch in the study. Half way down stairs again when the doorbell rang again. Outside, Klinger and Radar were waiting.

'Hi guys!' I yelled excitedly, throwing myself onto them both. I hadn't seen Klinger since Korea, and hadn't seen Radar since he visited when I first arrived at Crab Apple Cove.

'Take it easy, Izzy! Lemme get a good look at you,' Klinger said, pushing me away a little.

'You're looking great,' Radar blushed. I grinned. Radar was still the nervous, naive little guy he was when he left Korea.

'Hawkeye and the rest of them are in the lounge room. I'll handle the bags,' I said. I turned towards the lounge room, and raised my voice. 'Since no-one else has offered any help!' There was laughter from the lounge room, and BJ stuck his head out the doorway.

'I'm sorry, Izzy, do you want me to take our things upstairs?' he asked, looking like he felt bad about forgetting his manners.

'Too late, I've already done it. It doesn't matter, Beej, I'm just trying to make Hawkeye feel bad,' I smiled. BJ grinned back, nodded and went back into the lounge room. Radar followed him.

'I'll help,' Klinger said, picking up the suitcase he had brought. 'Where do you want it?'

'Well, if it's ok with you, we were going to put you in the lounge room, on the fold out couch. So for now, we'll just put your bag in their somewhere, outta the way,' I told him. Klinger nodded, and he followed me into the lounge room, dragging his bag.

'Hey, Klinger,' Hawkeye said with a grin. Klinger nodded in welcome to everyone, and he sat in the last seat. I sat on a cushion on the floor, legs crossed. Later on, Margaret and Charles would join us soon, and the fun could begin.

****

**Second Person Perspective – Erin's POV**

You get bored listening to your daddy's and everyone's stories after a little while. For a girl of your age, war stories about people you've never met with jokes that you don't understand get dull very quickly. Auntie Izzy noticed you looking around, not paying any attention to the adults around you, and she beckons you over.

'You bored?' Auntie Izzy asks when you go sit on her lap. You like Auntie Izzy, her voice sounds different to other people's. You daddy says that it's because she's from Australia, but you have no idea where that is. You've only met Auntie Izzy twice before this, but you've found that she's fun and interesting.

'Can I go outside and play?' you ask. Auntie Izzy smiles and nods.

'Come on, let's go outside,' she says. She leads you outside, but no before going to a cupboard in the main hall to pick up a box. You know that the box is filled with toys, cars, dolls, baseballs, and everything else imaginable. Auntie Izzy encourages you to play with the cars and the balls, to "break the girl stereotype", whatever that is. Daddy says she has very different ideas to most other people, but he says that's ok, because Auntie Izzy is different from most other people in lots of ways.

'Tell me about Australia,' you ask when you get outside. Auntie Izzy looks surprised, but she sits down on the swinging chair on the back porch, and lifts you onto her knee.

'What do you want to know?' she asks.

'What sort of animals live there?' you ask. You love animals, especially your cat, Mittens, back at home. Mommy says you'll probably end up being a animal doctor one day.

'Well, Australia has kangaroos,' Auntie Izzy starts slowly.

'What's a kang-o-roo?' you ask.

'A kangaroo,' Auntie Izzy corrects you.

'Kangaroo,' you say slowly. Auntie Izzy nods.

'Yes, a kangaroo is a big animal,' Auntie Izzy pauses to think.

'As big as daddy?' you ask.

'Umm, no, I don't think so,' Auntie Izzy says. To anyone else, it's obvious that Auntie Izzy has no idea how big a kangaroo is, but to you, she knows everything about Australia. After all, that's where she came from, so she should know all about it.

'They hop around on their back legs, and look a little like a dog,' Auntie Izzy continues.

'I like dogs,' you tell Auntie Izzy.

'So do I,' Auntie Izzy says. 'Well, a kangaroo jumps around in the desert, and has a pouch where it keeps it's babies.' You imagine a large dog on it's back legs with your baby brother in bag on it's back.

'What else is there?' you demand.

'There are koala's, they look like a big grey teddy bear,' Auntie Izzy says.

'Are they big?' you ask. Auntie Izzy laughs.

'No. Koala's are only as big as your little brother,' she explains. You nod. That makes sense. Everyone else comes out then.

'Whatcha doing?' one of the tall men ask. You've never seen him before today, so you don't answer. Instead, you snuggle into Auntie Izzy a little more.

'Telling Erin about the animals in Australia,' Auntie Izzy replies. 'She wanted to know about them.' Mommy laughs.

'She loves animals,' she says.

'Izzy, come help me organise drinks for everyone,' Uncle Hawkeye says from the doorway. Auntie Izzy sighs.

'Is that all I'm good for, making drinks?' she asks, standing up with you in her arms. She hands you to daddy, and goes inside.

'You've got two beautiful children, BJ,' one of the short men says. You've never seen him before today either, so you pretend not to see him.

'Thanks, Klinger. Erin is a bit shy now she's older, but she's very clever. And baby Mike is always getting into mischief,' daddy says.

'Drinks are ready,' Uncle Hawkeye calls through the window. Everyone goes inside, and daddy leaves you with Auntie Izzy again, and you go into the lounge room while the rest of the adults stay in the kitchen.

'Tell me a story,' you say.

'What sort of story?' Auntie Izzy asks. You shrug. You hadn't thought that far ahead. Suddenly, the doorbell rings. 'Let's go see who's at the door,' Auntie Izzy says, and you both go to the door. A man and a woman stand there.

'Hello, Izzy,' the woman says.

'Hello,' the man says.

'I'd give you a hug, but it's kinda hard when you have a girl in your arms,' Auntie Izzy tells them.

'She's not yours, is she, Izzy?' the woman asks, surprised.

'No, she's BJ's. I'm just her Auntie,' Auntie Izzy replied.

'Oh, so this is Erin,' the woman says. 'Hello, Erin. She looks so much like her father.'

'Erin, this is Margaret and Charles,' Auntie Izzy says. You recognise the names, and say the first thing that comes to your head.

'Hotlips and Charlie,' you say. Auntie Izzy starts laughing, and has to put you down, she's laughing so hard. The man looks annoyed, and you feel you've done the wrong thing.

'BJ has obviously been telling her about you,' Auntie Izzy laughs. 'He's in the kitchen if you want to have a word with him. To the end of the hallway, and turn right.'

'Thank you, Izzy,' the mans says, and he marches down toward the kitchen.

'He isn't going to hurt daddy, is he?' you ask. The man looked very angry.

'No, just have a talk,' Auntie Izzy says as you hear yelling coming from the kitchen. 'I'd better go make sure they are just talking,' Auntie Izzy says, picking you up, and walking towards the kitchen. The woman follows you and Auntie Izzy.

'I didn't think she'd actually call you that, Charles, I just called you Charlie because it was easier for her to pronounce when she started talking properly,' daddy is saying.

'Charles, calm down. She's just a kid,' Auntie Izzy says to the man named Charlie. 'She didn't realise she'd upset you so much.' Charlie stops yelling, and looks at you.

'I suppose it is funny,' he says as if he is still angry.

'See, problem solved,' Auntie Izzy says. 'If I hear any more yelling, you'll both be kicked out of the house.' Then she takes you back to the lounge room. The woman follows you.

'It was funny,' she says when you and Auntie Izzy sit down. She sits in another chair, and looks at Auntie Izzy. 'You've grown so much,' she says. Auntie Izzy just grins.

'I'd say the same to you, Margaret, but it looks like you haven't aged a day since I saw you last,' she says. They both laugh.

'What about my story?' you ask.

'I'm sorry, Erin, I almost forgot. Did you think of what story you wanted to hear?' Auntie Izzy asked. You shake your head. 'I'll think one up then.' She looks up at the woman. 'You don't mind, do you, Margaret?'

'No, go ahead, I'll listen too,' she says. Usually, grown ups don't like stories, but tonight, everyone was listening to them.

Auntie Izzy then tells you a story about a girl whose mommy doesn't like her very much and how the girl runs away and is hurt badly. She falls asleep, and when she wakes up, she in a hospital, miles and miles away from where she fell asleep. She has lots of doctors, and they all love her like her mommy should have and they adopt her.

'How did you come up with that?' Margaret asks when the story is finished.

'It's my story. It's what happened to me, more or less,' Auntie Izzy replied, shrugging. You don't understand what she means, so when Daddy takes you to bed later on, you ask him about it.

'Auntie Izzy told me a story before,' you say.

'Was it good?' daddy asks.

'It was about a girl who runs away and is hurt. She wakes up in a hospital and the doctors adopt her. She told Margaret that it was her story,' you say. Daddy stops for a moment, and continues tucking you into the small bed in the corner of Auntie Izzy's room.

'That's what happened to Auntie Izzy, a long time ago. I was one of the doctors to adopt her,' Daddy says.

'Daddy,' you say as he goes to leave.

'Yes?' he stops at the door.

'What does "adopt" mean?'

****

**Descriptive **

Father Mulcahy knocks at the door. He knows he is late, but he also knows no-one will mind. A young woman with blonde hair answers the door. She looks excited, but Mulcahy is sure he has the wrong house. The woman is chattering away, then motions for him to go inside. Mulcahy tells the woman he must have the wrong house and sorry to disturb her, but the woman shakes her head and pulls him into the house. She picks up a piece of paper, and scribbles on it. She gives it to Father Mulcahy.

"Hi Father Mulcahy, it's Izzy. I guess you didn't recognise me."

Father Mulcahy looks up from the scrap of paper and stares at the woman. She grins at him and he can suddenly see the resemblance of the girl he knew in Korea. Mulcahy apologizes for his lateness and not recognizing Izzy, but Izzy waves her hand to stop the apologies. She leads him into the lounge room where a large group of people are sitting. There's Margaret, Charles and who must be BJ's wife on one lounge, and Klinger, Hawkeye, Radar, BJ, Trapper and someone who could only be Daniel, Hawkeye's father, sitting on an assortment of chairs around the room. Izzy left the room and brought back a chair from the kitchen for Mulcahy to sit on before perching herself on the arm of Hawkeye's chair. She says something, and everyone laughs. Father Mulcahy laughs gently along, not sure how many people knew he was deaf.

Father Mulcahy asks how everyone has been, wishing he could hear their replies. All he can do is nod and smile to everyone's talking. The talking goes on for a few hours before questions are directed at him. Daniel stares strangely at Father Mulcahy when his question goes ignored. Izzy stands up quickly, and pulls Father Mulcahy into the kitchen, followed by BJ, leaving everyone else to talk about the price of housing in their home towns.

BJ and Izzy start talking quickly to each other, and BJ picks up a pen and paper.

"Did you tell Izzy you were deaf?" he wrote. Father Mulcahy shook his head. BJ asked Izzy something and she talked animatedly to BJ for a moment. Father Mulcahy had first thought Izzy and everyone else had been told by BJ that he was deaf, but it didn't seem that way now.

He told them then and there that he didn't want anyone else to know he was deaf. BJ and Izzy didn't speak for a while.

Izzy suddenly got that glint in her eye that Father Mulcahy had seen once or twice before, which meant she had an idea.

For the rest of the night, the group played charades.

****

**Non-description**

'Morning, Izzy.'

'Morning, Klinger. Sofa not too uncomfortable?'

'No, it was fine. What's for breakfast?'

'I don't know, what are you cooking?'

'Ha ha, Izzy.'

'I thought it was funny.'

'Thanks BJ. I didn't even hear you come in.'

'Are you still seeing Sidney Freedman, Izzy?'

'You're seeing Sidney? What for?'

'Yeah, I'm still seeing him, Beej. Sidney decided that I needed, ahem, supervision. I see him once a month because he has some stupid idea that I'm crazy.'

'I have to agree with him, Izzy. Why else would you say you came from the future?'

'What!?'

'No-one else knows, Klinger, except Hawkeye, BJ, Trapper, Daniel and Sidney, so I'd appreciate if you didn't tell anyone.'

'Klinger, tell Izzy it's impossible to be from the future.'

'What year?'

'You're not helping, Klinger.'

'Sorry, BJ.'

'How do you explain the fact that I knew about Father Mulcahy being deaf... I never said that! Klinger, you didn't hear that!'

'Father Mulcahy's deaf? Since when?'

'End of the war. You can keep that under your skirt as well, Klinger.'

'Ha ha, BJ.'

'Sorry.'

'Why are you grinning then?'

'I'm going to tell Hawkeye we're ready for breakfast. I'm sick of doing everything this weekend. It's his house, too, so he can help.'

'You tell him, Izzy.'

'Ok. See you in a minute.'

'You think Hawkeye will cook us breakfast?'

'Hawkeye? Not a chance in hell.'

'Hey, I cooked in Korea. I could cook breakfast.'

'You cooked in Korea, but that doesn't mean it was edible, Klinger.'

'Hey, I was working with Army regulation ingredients.'

'Sure, blame the food. Besides, Hawkeye might not want you to cook in his kitchen anyway.'

'Well, if he doesn't like my cooking, we'll use it as an excuse for him to cook.'

'Good idea, Klinger.'

'Thanks.'

'You're still not cooking.'

****

**Third Person perspective**

'So where are the rest of the group?' Hawkeye asked casually around seven o'clock.

'Margaret, Radar, Charles and Father Mulcahy only meant to stay in Crab Apple Cove one night, and Peg has taken Erin and Mike to the cinemas,' Klinger replied.

'What a waste. All we did last night was play charades,' Trapper complained. 'Who's idea was that again?'

'Father Mulcahy suggested it,' Izzy said smoothly, closing her eyes. She had been tired out earlier that day playing with Mike and Erin.

'Well, what did you want to do last night?' Daniel Pierce asked.

'Play poker, what else?' Hawkeye said.

'At least we could talk during poker,' Trapper agreed.

'We'll play now,' BJ said. He took a pack of cards out of his pocket. 'Who's in?'

'Yeah, alright,' was the general murmur around the living room.

'No, I'm right,' Izzy said, moving into a more comfortable position on the arm chair.

'Awww, come on, Izzy,' BJ said.

'It'll be fun,' Klinger added. Trapper was already dealing the cards.

'In a few hands, ok? I want to have a doze,' Izzy muttered. Hawkeye shrugged.

'Her loss,' he said.

'Yes, it is my loss. If I play,' Izzy replied. Everyone laughed.

'Izzy, come play,' BJ said after half an hour. Izzy sighed, looked up, then got up.

'Fine,' she said, as if she had been asked to do some huge chore. 'I'm not going to fall asleep sitting like that anyway.'

Later, Trapper was first, closely followed by Hawkeye, not so closely followed by BJ, and Daniel and Izzy were fighting for last place.

'Can I deal?' Izzy asked.

'Why not?' BJ said, handing Izzy the deck. Izzy took the cards in her hands, and with a unmatched finesse, shuffled the cards.

'What?' Izzy asked when she realised everyone was looking at her.

'That was amazing. Do it again,' Trapper said. Izzy shuffled the cards again, still be the exceptional ease she had the first time.

'If I tried shuffling like that, I'd drop the lot,' Klinger said mournfully.

'How'd you learn how to do that?' Hawkeye demanded. 'I thought you were no good at cards!'

'I'm not,' Izzy said, shuffling again. 'At school, the year before I left, people would go to the library or some other room away from the teacher's to play blackjack. One taught me how to shuffle like this, but never taught me how to play the actual games.' She handed the deck to Hawkeye for him to deal, and they continued to play.

'What is your son's name again, BJ?' Daniel Pierce asked.

'Mike Farrell Hunnicutt,' BJ said proudly, as Izzy sipped her drink. She started spluttering and coughing.

'Izzy, are you ok?' everyone wanted to know once she had finished.

'Yeah, sorry, not concentrating. Mike has a very nice name, Beej, very suitable,' Izzy smiled weakly across the table. She excused herself and went upstairs to do something.

'She's acting very strange again, Hawk. Maybe we should give Sidney a call,' Trapper said.

'Am I the only person who didn't know Izzy was having therapy?' Klinger asked.

'Izzy's fine, she's always a little strange like that,' Daniel Pierce said. 'She makes little predictions, though I don't think any have come true yet.'

'And last night while playing charades, she kept on doing books and movies we hadn't even heard of, like, what was it? Shrak or something as ridiculous,' BJ said.

'Remember she said I looked just like some actor called Jamie Farr? I've never heard of him, and she says he played a character very similar to me. I'd like to see this Farr guy wear what I wore during the war!' Klinger exclaimed.

'Sidney says she seems very sane, and there's no reason to take her away from society,' Hawkeye said restrainedly. 'Can we talk about something else now?'

The room was silent when Izzy came back from upstairs.

'What?' she asked.

'Nothing,' Hawkeye said a little too quickly. Izzy glanced at the men at the table, and each of them avoided her gaze. She sighed.

'Ok, it's obvious you were talking about me. Can we forget whatever you were talking about?' she asked. For the rest of the night, the group played in utter silence.

**First person perspective – Izzy's POV (Just to wrap it up)**

I stand by the Hunnicutt's door as they get ready to leave. Trapper left the day before, but Klinger had to wait until his plane arrived at the airport in a few hours. BJ would have given him a lift, except Klinger had insisted he catch a taxi. And Peg had wanted to stop off at an old friends house before they got home anyway.

'Bye, Auntie Izzy,' Erin yells out before the car door shuts.

'Thanks for having us,' Peg says, giving me a hug. I grin at her.

'No problem. Any time you and Beej want a holiday to yourself, send Erin and Mike my way. They're fantastic kids,' I reply. BJ hands the dribbling Mike to Peg before saying goodbye to Hawkeye, Klinger and I.

'Great to see ya, bud,' BJ says to Hawkeye, punching him lightly on the shoulder.

'Back at you, Beej,' Hawkeye replies, punching BJ a little harder back.

'You need to come more often,' I say, stepping in before it can turn into a huge wrestling match.

'We'll try,' BJ promises, kissing me on the cheek. 'Say hi to Soon Lee for me,' he says to Klinger before getting into the car. We all wave until the car has disappeared around the corner.

'What now?' Hawkeye asks.

'I've got a few hours, yet,' Klinger reminds him.

'You should go help Daniel. I'm sure he's tired from having to run the office by himself for the last few days,' I tell Hawkeye. 'I'll make sure Klinger gets to the airport on time, and come by later.' Hawkeye nods.

'I'll see you later, Izzy,' he tells me, heading towards his car. I'm still not sure what it is, though he's told me about a million times. I stole in Sydney, but had no interest in cars.

'So what have you been doing since Korea?' Klinger asks as we head inside. I keep forgetting I hadn't had a good chance to talk to him properly as I was entertaining Erin and Mike.

'Not a lot,' I shrug.

'You could have told me about seeing Sidney,' Klinger says as we reach the living room.

'Are you still hung up on that?' I ask, sitting on the well worn armchair. Klinger is still looking left out. 'It's not such a big deal. I go to Sidney once a month, and we talk about anything that has happened.'

'Did you really come from the future?' Klinger asks me, leaning forward,

'You would have killed to try that on Colonel Potter before Radar left, wouldn't you?' I ask him, grinning. Klinger nods enthusiastically. 'I... when I was in Sydney, I got hit... by a car. I woke up, in Korea, 1951. When I had been hit by the car, it was 2003.' Klinger is nodding in an understanding manner. 'What, no ringing the mental institute? No "you're crazy, stay away from me" speech?' I ask, genuinely surprised. Klinger shook his head.

'If you say you came from the future, I believe you. I mean, you'd have all sorts of time travelling stuff in the future, right?' he asked.

'Not in 2003,' I reply with a smile. Someone actually _believed_ me. Klinger shrugged.

'Maybe not any you knew about anyway,' he pointed out.

'What, so some scientist just picked me off the road and decided to send me into the past for the hell of it?' I ask him. Klinger shrugs.

'Maybe he was only meant to send you back far enough to stop yourself from being hit by the car,' he said. Maybe Klinger hadn't been kidding when he told everyone he was nuts in Korea.

'The future isn't that great,' I tell Klinger. 'Faster cars, worse wars, more expensive items, harder schools. I wouldn't get too excited yet.' Klinger nods like he trusts me, and I wonder if he really believes me. We talk about it for a few hours, before I glance at the clock on the mantel.

'You should be heading for the airport,' I say, standing up. Klinger nods. I ring a taxi, and it's there within five minutes.

'It's good to see ya again, kid,' Klinger hugs me tight out the front of the house.

'Same,' I reply, wishing he wasn't going yet.

'Come to Toledo for Christmas, or Thanksgiving, or something,' he says, kissing me on the cheek like BJ and Trapper had done. I nod, wondering if Hawkeye and I could get away from the practise for long enough. I watch him get into the taxi, and then wave out the back window as it drives away. After it's gone, I start walking towards the office Hawkeye had set up two weeks after Korea. It was time to get back to work.

**Kooshball:** Ok, the end was a little crappy, but it's a long chapter (for those always asking for more). There is more to come of Five Ways readers groan so keep an eye out for them.


	7. Letters

**Kooshball Note:** Yes, more ways to write a fic!

Ok, I've cheated. A letter is basically first person perspective, but I'm feeling lazy and tired tonight. Enjoy it anyway!

* * *

Dear Trapper,

Well, you've probably heard the war is over. At the moment I'm on the plane home, heading back to the states. I'm a little nervous about coming home by plane, after what happened to Henry, even though the war is over, so Izzy insisted I write this to keep my mind from planes spiraling into the sea. No, Izzy isn't a nurse, she's an (almost) twenty year old who arrived some time last year, from Australia. She's not the sort of lady friend we used to get, but together, she and BJ kept me sane during the war.

BJ was the guy who came to the 4077th after you left. Young cutter, with a wife and kid. He wasn't a big drinker, womanizer or card player like you, but he did stop me more than once from becoming a section eight without the heels. Beej is a good buddy, but during the last few weeks, I've been in some crazy house, being observed by Sidney Freedman. Guess BJ didn't keep me sane enough. No, that's unfair, he couldn't keep me sane, though he did try. BJ refused to say goodbye before we parted, but as Izzy and I left the camp by chopper, I realised he had written a message in rocks to me on the chopper pad. "Goodbye." I still don't know if the rocks were Izzy's or BJ's idea, Izzy does give a lot of people ideas like that.

Did you hear about Frank? After Margaret got married, he went crazy and was shipped home. Started up his practise again, and was earning nearly as much money as he was before the war. I could have gone back to the States just to strangle him. Never mind, he'll be so disappointed to learn it's over and doctor's aren't as scarce any more.

Like I said, Margaret got married, but she divorced the guy about six months after. She's still the uptight rule following head Nurse, but some how, she's loosened up a little. She laughs more, and isn't, wasn't, as hard on the nurses as she used to be. Oh, and she stopped trying to get me court marshaled after she got engaged. Made a nice change, hey?

I wasn't stuck with Frank as CO for long after Henry left, did I tell you? They sent in a guy called Colonel Potter, great guy, or great bloke as Izzy calls him now and then. OK, he's harder to trick, and stricter, but he's like a grandfather to everyone. Loves horses. Hopefully, he'll live long, and never see another war. Heck, I hope to never see another war.

Radar went home, I think he contacted you when he got back to his farm. Klinger took off his dresses and took over his job. Of course, he put on a uniform before taking Radar's job, though he'd probably have got outta the army on a section eight doing Radar's duties in the buff. Actually, Klinger's still in Korea, amazing, I know, but he found a wife, and their looking for her parents. Klinger was always willing to give the dress off his back for those in need.

Father Mulcahy had been acting weird in the last day or two of the war. Izzy tells me he's lost or losing his hearing, due to an explosion. I don't know how she finds out all this information, she just seems to know everything that happens in camp.

Who else do I need to tell you about? Oh, Charles, that's right. Charles is a very high class person, listens to classical music at all hours of the night, reads books thick as my hand. Very snooty, like we used to pretend to be when Five O'clock Charlie came round, remember that? Hmm, just realised how ironic that is. Anyway, Charles didn't act like he had a soul very often. It wasn't his style. But, apparently he asked Izzy to go home with him, and get a proper education that he'd pay for. For someone of Charles standards, this is pretty big. I guess everyone was attached to Izzy.

In fact, nearly everyone offered Izzy a home in the States. She's homeless, you see, and no-one wanted her back on the streets, that's why it was surprising to hear that Charles offered her a home. BJ offered her a home with his family, be his little daughter's big sister, but she refused. Colonel Potter offered her a home, because he knew his wife wouldn't mind looking after another child, but she refused. Klinger even offered for her to go with him and his new wife, to look for his wife's parents, but Izzy refused. She wanted to come home with me, because she says I need the family. I don't know, maybe I do, but I think more than anything, it's because she needs me. I'm still trying to think of how to break the news to Dad.

"Hey dad, I had a one night stand in Korea, and nine months later, the same nurse turns up with this girl with her. She claims she's mine, and tests can't prove otherwise..." What do you think?

From Hawkeye.

PS. Missed ya buddy.

* * *

Dear Trapper,

Hi, I'm Izzy. You don't know me, but Hawk probably mentioned me in his letter. I told him he had to write this. I don't know what he said in it, that's his and your business. I realised that ages ago. Anyway, if you get the chance, come to Maine to visit Hawkeye. I think he'd really enjoy that, give you a chance to catch up.

From Izzy


	8. Stars and Stripes

**Kooshball Note: **Woo-hoo! I updated!

Yes, a "script" form! Usually these are done in other areas, like cartoons, to make a silly, fun and unbelievable fic where the writer can make characters turn into rocks and things! Anyway, this isn't one of them, this is more like an interview, with a newspaper article to go with it.

* * *

**Interviewer:** Ok, we're good to go. 

**Izzy: **(nervously) I've only been interviewed by cops before… oops, that came out wrong. Can you not include that in your article?

**Interviewer: **Sure. Just pretend the recorder isn't there. It usually makes people nervous.

**Izzy: **Ok. (slightly calmer)

**Interviewer: **Who is the most person you look up to most in this camp?

**Izzy: **I guess that would be Hawkeye, uh, Captain Pierce. He is a great doctor and tries to make people forget the war. I mean, we still know it's on, but he makes it more… bearable.

**Interviewer: **Alright. (scribbling noises, then a pause) What do you want to do after the war?

**Izzy: **I don't know. I don't really have a home back in Australia, I'm homeless, you see, but there are probably a few people here that would offer me a home. BJ, I mean, Captain Hunnicutt-

**Interviewer: **You can use their nicknames if you want.

**Izzy: **Thanks. I think BJ would like me to join his family, and Klinger probably wants me to go home with him to Toledo. He has a huge family, I don't know if I'd fit (laughs nervously).

**Interviewer: **But what about a job when you're older? The war won't last forever.

**Izzy: **I know, but I mightn't see the end of the war. (Pause) I've never thought of getting a proper job. I tried a few times in Australia, but it never worked out.

**Interviewer: **What is the worst thing about being in Korea?

**Izzy: **The blood. It seems strange being in a MASH unit and not being able to handle blood, but, here I am.

**Interviewer: **The best?

**Izzy: **Being with the surgeons. Hawkeye is like an older brother to me, BJ is more like my older brother's best friend. Oh, and everyone says Colonel Potter is like a grandfather to the whole camp.

**Interviewer: **So the people here are really that great?

**Izzy: **Yeah, I don't know what I'd do if they weren't here.

**Interviewer: **I'll ask you some more questions later, if that's alright with you, Private.

**Izzy: **Ok.

(Sounds of someone getting up from a chair and leaving before a loud click. A second click is heard as a new interview begins.)

**Interviewer: **Sit down, Captain…?

**BJ: **Hunnicutt, but just call me BJ.

**Interviewer: **Alright, BJ, I've already talked to Private Parker, and I'd like to interview you.

**BJ: **Alright, go ahead.

**Interviewer: **How long have you been in Korea?

**BJ: **Must be nearly two years now. I had to leave my wife and baby girl, Erin. Want to see a photo? (Sounds of a picture being taken out of a pocket)

**Interviewer: **She's very sweet.

**BJ: **You think? I love her with all my heart, but it tears me up being over here.

**Interviewer: **It would. So you have a favourite person in camp?

**BJ: **Hawkeye, probably. Oh, and Izzy. She's a plucky kid, you know? She and Hawkeye idolise each other, though Izzy gets annoyed when Hawkeye starts treating her like a little kid. (Laughs)

**Interviewer: **What will you do after the war?

**BJ: **I'd like to start my own practise. Just a small one, but with enough business to support my family. I'd like to take Izzy with me, too, if she doesn't head back to Australia.

**Interviewer: **Yes, Izzy mentioned you wanted her to go back with you.

**BJ: **She did?

**Interviewer: **She seems to think a lot of people would gladly take her home.

**BJ: **She's not boasting or anything, I think a lot of people would like to take her home to be part of their families. Colonel Potter in surgery a few weeks ago was talking about what was to happen to Izzy after the war. He said his wife would love another child to take care of, since their own kids have moved away.

**Interviewer: **What is Izzy's story? How did someone so young end up in Korea?

**BJ: **Izzy would be a better person to ask. She might not want to tell you everything.

**Interviewer: **Right, I'll do that. (Pause with scribbling noises) Who would you say is closest to Private Parker?

**BJ: **Well, me, Hawkeye, Charles… oh, and Klinger. Actually, pretty much everyone.

**Interviewer: **Ok, thank you for that, Captain. If I need anything else, I'll question you some more.

(Click of tape being stopped, then another click of tape being started again. Sounds of a door being opened and heels clicking across a floor.)

**Interviewer: **Holy-

**Klinger: **You like it? Mail order catalogue for just ten dollars.

**Interviewer: **Um, it's nice. Why the skirt?

**Klinger: **I'm a section eight case.

**Interviewer: **Right… Corporal Klinger, right?

**Klinger: **Yeah. You're that newspaper guy from Australia that everyone's been talking about.

**Interviewer: **Yes. Now, I'd like to ask you a few questions-

**Klinger: **Izzy came from Australia. What part are you from? Maybe you lived nearby to her.

**Interviewer: **Actually, I haven't met the Private before yesterday. But I do want to write my article on her. A young Australian, faced with difficulties she shouldn't be, yet being able to face them with courage.

**Klinger: **(Cough) Yeah, sounds good. (Pause) You know, she doesn't have to face this war alone. Izzy's got me, Captains Pierce and Hunnicutt, Major Winchester, Major Houlihan, Colonel Potter, Radar-

**Interviewer: **Ok, I get the idea. How wold you say Izzy has dealt with all of this? Has she found it tough? Easy?

**Klinger: **I dunno. Isn't that the sort of question you should ask her?

**Interviewer: **I mean from an outside perspective. To you, how has she handled herself?

**Klinger: **Well, she's always wanting to do things herself. She's independent, y'know? Back in Australia, she lived off the streets, didn't have a family. I guess that's where it came from, her independence.

**Interviewer: **Thank you, Corporal. I'll be sure to, um, mention you in my article.

**Klinger: **(Excited) Really? Gee, thanks! Don't forget to tell everyone I'm nuts!

(Two clicks of tape stopping then being started again.)

**Izzy: **You wanted to ask me a few more questions?

**Interviewer: **Yes, if you didn't mind.

**Izzy: **No, I don't mind. It's just Klinger told me what you were going to write your article on. I'm not sure if I want or need that kind of thing.

**Interviewer: **You must understand, Izzy, that back home everyone is worried about their own that are in the war. This article on a young Aussie battler can give them more hope than a story about an American soldier who's seen his mates die on the front line.

**Izzy: **Would anyone really see me like that?

**Interviewer: **Of course they would. Now, how did you end up in Korea?

**Izzy:** (Long pause) Do I have to answer that?

**Interviewer:** I'd like it if you would.

**Izzy:** (Longer pause) ...

**Interviewer:** Alright, ignore that question. Has it been hard for you over here?

**Izzy:** Heck, yeah. I can't walk outside my tent without being affected by the war, whether it's seeing someone who's been hurt, or seeing someone who's lost a friend. Even when I'm with the guys from here, they sometimes talk about their old CO, who died on his way home.

**Interviewer:** Anything you'd like to say to the Australians at home?

**Izzy: **Count yourselves lucky you're not in my position.

**Interviewer: **I meant something I could write in my article.

**Izzy:** Oh. (Pause) Um, look after yourself Australia?

(Final click as tape runs out.)

* * *

**_Six weeks later_**

'Hey, did you see this!' Izzy ran into the Swamp with a newspaperin one hand.

'What is it?' BJ asked.

'Remember that guy who interviewed a few of us a few weeks back?' Izzy asked. 'He sent us a copy and it arrived today!'

'Give me a look,' Hawkeye said, snatching the paper from her.

_The police action in Korea worsens for the men and women fighting for freedom and Capitalism. To them, it is not a "police action", but a war, with death, disease and horrors that make up nightmares._

_Among the Americans, Canadians, Englishmen and other brave, fighting countries, is a smattering of Australians, intent on making a difference in this world._

_One is a Private Izzy Parker, an Australian at an American MASH unit, just three miles from the front. Plucky and independent, she tackles the war headlong with the others at the MASH unit._

_She is loved by the whole camp, a great help to the war effort. But if you believe there are specific qualifications to joining the army, you're wrong. Izzy is just as human as the rest of us._

_"It seems strange being in a MASH unit and not being able to handle blood, but, here I am," she says. "I can't walk outside my tent without being affected by the war." Izzy is an orphan, with no family here in Australia. It seems impossible that in such a war torn world, she'd be able to find a second chance._

_"A lot of people would like to take her home to be part of their families (after the war)," says Captain BJ Hunnicutt however._

_"She doesn't have to face this war alone," agrees Corporal Max Q. Klinger._

_Even at war, Izzy is always remembering her home country. "Look after yourself, Australia," she says._

'How come I never got interviewed?' Hawkeye asked.

'Because Potter told the interviewer you'd be disruptive,' Izzy said, grinning and dodging out of hitting distance from Hawkeye. 'Did you really say a lot of people want to adopt me?' she asked BJ shyly.

'I can't remember, it was so long ago,' BJ replied.

'I showed this to Klinger, by the way,' Izzy said, grinning suddenly. 'He's annoyed because he never got mentioned as being crazy.' Hawkeye and BJ laughed.

'He can never catch a break,' BJ said.

'I asked him if he thought the Australian Prime Minister would insist on getting him discharged if her heard he was crazy. He said he didn't realise there wouldn't be many Americans reading it,' Izzy said. 'Anyway, I'm going to cut it out and pin it up in my tent, to go with my pictures.'

'Can we have the rest of the newspaper?' BJ asked. Izzy looked horrified.

'No way!' she said. 'I haven't read it all yet, or done the quiz at the bottom!' She snatched the paper back from Hawkeye and walked out of the Swamp. 'Well, that looks like my five minutes of fame,' she said to them before heading towards her own tent.


	9. A third chance

**Kooshball note: **In chapter 50 of "Not a TV Show", Izzy had to decide whether she went back to Sydney, 2003, or stay in Korea, 1951. Of course, she decided to stay in Korea. But what if she'd gone home to Sydney? The alternate ending to "Not a TV Show" in one chapter!

You may want to reread chapters 49 and 50 to remember what was going on. I know I had to.

* * *

Izzy looked around. Sydney didn't seemed to have changed. Seeing a newsagents nearby, she went in and checked the newspapers on the shelves. Only a few months had passed since she'd gone to Korea. Izzy smiled to herself, and looked around. No-one would believe her story. Her friends would think she was either on drugs or crazy. Izzy's stomach jumped at the word. Klinger was always trying to convince everyone he was crazy. Izzy trailed around, and saw an elderly man walking in front of her, a wallet poking out from his back pocket. She sneaked forward and reached out for the brown leather wallet, hoping her time away hadn't damaged her performance. She was pulling it out slowly, when the man turned around and grabbed her wrist.

'You don't think I'm going to have my money stolen for the third time this week, do you?' he demanded. Izzy stared defiantly into the man's blue eyes, and was surprised to see the eyes soften, in a confused sort of way.

'Izzy?' the man asked.

Izzy's heart jumped.

'Hawkeye?' she asked.

The man dropped her wrist. 'Get lost,' he said to her, turning away.

'Hawkeye, it's you, isn't it?' Izzy demanded. The man turned around again.

'How'd you know my name?' he asked. Izzy was hit with the memory of when she first arrived at the 4077th.

'_How did you know my name?' Hawkeye asked._

'_Uh. . .' Izzy cast around in her mind for a good excuse. 'A friend recommended you?' she suggested lamely._

'You don't recognise me, do you?' Izzy said.

'Who are you?' the man asked.

'It's me, Izzy,' Izzy said.

'I only knew one Izzy in my lifetime, and she died, a long time ago,' the man said.

'In Korea, during the war,' Izzy said. 'You had just had a fight with her, she was upset. She didn't watch where she was going, and a jeep hit her.'

'How do you know all that?' Hawkeye asked.

'That was me,' Izzy insisted. 'I'm that same Izzy.'

'You can't be,' Hawkeye told her.

'Why not?' Izzy asked defiantly. Hawkeye stared at her for a few moments.

'It's impossible,' he said, turning away again.

'How do I know you then?' Izzy demanded. 'And BJ, Radar, Klinger, Margaret, Frank, Charles, Potter? You know it's me, Hawkeye.' Hawkeye walked on for a bit as if he hadn't heard her. He stopped, and turned.

'You can't be,' he said, as if pleading with her. 'Can it?' Izzy nodded, tears brimming in her eyes suddenly. Hawkeye moved forward, and Izzy fell forward into the man's embrace.

'I must really seem like just a kid to you now,' she said, a tear falling down her cheek.

* * *

'No way,' was BJ's first response.

'Way,' Izzy retaliated. BJ shook his head before looking to Hawkeye.

'This is a joke, isn't it?' he asked Hawkeye. 'Revenge for that April fool's joke in '82, right?'

'No,' Hawkeye replied, his facial expression staying unemotional.

BJ looked back at Izzy. 'Even if Izzy were still alive,' he said slowly. 'She'd have to be at least sixty.'

'Remember when the Swamp blew down? You stayed in my tent for two or three days, and I kept you awake at night because of my nightmares.' Izzy's expression softened at the memory. 'You bought some perfume stuff from a Korean peddler, who claimed it would stop nightmares. It worked.'

BJ's mouth dropped. He glanced to Hawkeye and back to Izzy before embracing the girl.

'But it's impossible,' he said before pulling away from Izzy.

'That's what I said,' Hawkeye replied. 'But she is our Izzy.'

'Anyone else know yet?' BJ asked. 'Radar? Klinger? Charles?' Hawkeye shook his head.

'No-one yet,' he said.

'So how'd it happen?' BJ wanted to know. Izzy shrugged.

'Couldn't tell you,' she replied. 'I asked myself that the first time, too. So what are you two doing in Australia anyway?' BJ and Hawkeye glanced at each other.

'Reunion,' Hawkeye said eventually. 'We've been holding them in the home towns of everyone from the 4077th, and this was your year.' Izzy felt her eyes water.

'Geez, guys,' she said, wiping her eyes. 'I didn't realise you'd remember me.' Hawkeye and BJ just smiled at her.

* * *

'I didn't realise you brought your families as well,' Izzy commented as they walked into the hall.

'Course we do,' BJ said. 'Erin and herkids couldn't make it this year, but everyone else has come.' Izzy let out a short squeal of delight, and ran over to where a short gray haired man was standing with a boy of Izzy's age.

'Klinger!' she yelled, throwing herself onto the man. The old man half stepped, half stumbled back.

'Hey, get the hell off my grandpa,' the boy said, pulling Izzy back. He spurted off some strange language at Izzy which she assumed was swearing when the old man nudged him.

'That's no way to talk to a woman,' he said. 'Even after they've assaulted your grandpa.' He turned to Izzy. 'Now, kid, who do you belong with?' he asked. 'I'm sorry if I don't remember you, my mind ain't what it used to be.'

'It's me, Izzy,' Izzy said enthusiastically.

'Do you remember an Izzy?' the old man asked the boy. The boy shook his head. 'Obviously, one of the others had their grandkid names after the original Private Izzy Parker, but I'm sorry I don't remember you.'

'I am the original Izzy,' Izzy said.

'Can't be,' the old man said. 'Izzy was about your age in the war. She died in the war.' He pulled out his wallet. 'See, here's a picture of her,' he said, getting an old photo out of his wallet. 'We took this photo at the camp with a camera that a patient lent us, and we all made a copy.' He stared at the photo, then at Izzy before looking at the photo again.

'That's me in the photo, isn't it?' Izzy asked smugly. The old man groped backwards for a chair, and the boy dragged one around quickly so he could sit.

'It can't be,' he said eventually.

'I don't want to have to go through everything for everyone,' Izzy said pleadingly. 'It's me, Izzy Parker. Remember Flagg? We put him in a create and mailed him to the states. Remember the hydrocortisone? I stole it from HQ when we ran out.'

'You're _that_ Izzy?' the boy said. He grinned. 'You're pretty hot. Want some Lebanese between your knees?' he asked, thrusting his pelvis out. The old man hit him over the head with his hand.

'Show some respect,' he snapped.

'I wouldn't do you if you were the last guy on earth,' Izzy scoffed, looking the boy up and down with disdain.

'Hawkeye,' the old man called out. 'Hawkeye, come here.'

'I see you've met up again with Izzy, Klinger,' Hawkeye said, coming over and grinning.

'This can't be Izzy,' Klinger said.

'Apparently it is,' Hawkeye said. 'And for a kid from the 50's, she's adapted pretty well. I mean, have your grandkids tried to teach you about the whole internet thing on computers?'

Izzy tried not to look guilty.

'It's not that hard!' Klinger's grandson said, exasperated. 'Six year olds know how to use it!'

'Well, there's probably a reason for why I've adapted,' Izzy said. Klinger and Hawkeye both looked at Izzy. 'I'm from this era,' she said. 'From 2003. I got hit by a car, woke up in Korea, fifty one years earlier. When I got hit by the jeep at the 4077th, I found myself in Australia again, 2003. I wish I could explain it, but like you, I can't.'

'You're nuts,' the boy laughed.

'Quiet, Jamie,' Klinger said. 'I made a living off of being crazy.'

'Come on,' Jamie said to Izzy, moving closer to her. 'Let's ditch the reunion.'

'Get lost,' Izzy said, pushing him away. 'I want to see everyone else. It has been fifty years, after all.' Izzy followed Hawkeye around the room, but Jamie followed.

While talking to Margaret, she could feel him breathing down her neck. While Charles was being revived after fainting from the shock, he tried to put his hand down her skirt. While Radar was being yelled to about who Izzy was, he wrapped his arms around her and felt her boob. Izzy continually pushed him away, but resisted the urge to hit him. After all, he was Klinger's grandkid.

'So, what are you going to do now, Izzy? I mean, you're back in Australia, but I bet you still don't have a home,' Hawkeye asked.

'She can stay with me,' Jamie said, getting a glint in his eye.

'Oh no,' Klinger said. 'I know what you're like with girls. Izzy is not staying with you.'

'I wouldn't mind,' Izzy said. She glared at Jamie sweetly. 'If he annoys me, I've always got those medical procedures you guys taught me. I've always wanted to amputate something.'

'Trapper's granddaughter, she works in a restaurant. She said she'd give you a job,' Hawkeye said. 'She needs the extra help.'

'Really?' Izzy asked. Hawkeye nodded.

'You've had experience, cooking in Korea,' he said. 'And it means you'll have a decent second chance.'

'I had a second chance,' Izzy said. 'It was with you. This is my third chance.'

Maybe it hadn't been the wrong choice, coming back to Sydney. She'd met up with the others again, she wasn't in the middle of a war, so there was no chance of her being hit by a bomb, and she was going to have a job. She'd have to iron out a few things, like telling the government she was still alive, get used to not saluting everyone she met again and missing Hawkeye and everyone else, but it had to be worth it, it had to be.

'I know you've never held a scalpel before. You don't scare me,' Jamie told her.

'Maybe not, but I've used a gun before, and your grandfather will tell you, I'm a bloody good shot,' Izzy warned Jamie. Jamie paled again, and backed away.

Yeah, definitely worth it.

* * *

**Kooshball:** Yeah, I like using the actors names for their character's kids/grandkids. It adds a nice kinda twist, don't you think?

Review, comment, analysis, judge, flame, worship, remark, discuss or express a view on this chapter. It helps me know if I'm writing ok.


	10. Waltzing Matilda

**Kooshball:** I'm not a fan of song fics. Generally, I just skip the song part, and move on to the fic itself. However, I remembered the words to this classical Australian song, and thought about how it (kinda) suited Izzy.

"Waltzing Matilda" was one of the two songs that Australia could vote on for our national anthem. However, "Advance Australia Fair" was chosen instead, something to do with "Waltzing Matilda" being about someone stealing a sheep. It's still a widely known song, in, and I don't know about out of, Australia.

My suggestion is to read the song, look at the glossary I've included at the end, then go back and read the entire thing. "Waltzing Matilda" is a great part of Australia's heritage, and quite an interesting song.

By the way, chapter five of "Twist of Lemon" is up and still no new reviews…

* * *

**_Waltzing Matilda_**

_Song version by Marie Cowan_

_Once a jolly swagman camped by a billabong  
Under the shade of a Coolibah tree  
And he sang as he watched and waited till his billy boiled  
You'll come a waltzing Matilda with me_

Izzy looked up at the eucalyptus tree and sighed. It was a sad looking tree, wilted from the sun and lack of water. The city council didn't bother watering it, or pulling it down, it just had to struggle through the heat, slowly dying. Izzy felt like that too, like she was slowly dying, struggling to survive. During the summer, it was the worst, getting to 40 degrees at time. (**Note:** That's about 104 Fahrenheit) It was hard to find clean sources of water, and she sometimes had to hold her mouth to the sprinkler systems to get a drink. She patted the gum tree's trunk, and walked on through the park.

_Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda  
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me  
And he sang as he watched and waited til his billy boiled  
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me_

Izzy's nose twitched when she smelt the people's barbecue cooking. The smell of cooking meat made her stomach growl, and Izzy sneered at the trash bin she'd been about to dig through. From where she stood, she could see half eaten sandwiches, a banana peel and a lot of other rubbish. Sick of being hungry, she began walking towards the street, where the shops lay waiting. She could steal something, and sell it so she might be able to eat later. Even better, she could swipe a wallet from a tourist, and take the money. Izzy didn't like taking money from people, it made her feel dirty. At least from a shop, the price of items had been jacked up so much that she could take something and they wouldn't lose money.

_Down came a jumbuck to drink at that billabong  
Up jumped the swagman and grabbed him with glee  
And he sang as he shoved that jumbuck in his tuckerbag  
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me_

Izzy found the small electronics shop she'd been taking from for the last three or so weeks. She liked it because it was small, and hadn't set up a proper security system yet. She walked around the shop casually, slipping a small trinket from the counter into her pocket. She stopped in front of the cameras, and looked at them carefully. While the owner of the shop talked with a customer, she worked on memorizing the sign nearby. This spiel would help sell the camera faster. Izzy's hand suddenly shot out and grabbed the camera just as the shop owner yelled out at her.

_Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda  
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me  
And he sang as he watched and waited til his billy boiled  
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me_

Izzy never had to do this a few years back. Although they hated each other, her mother had provided her with food. And clothes. And shelter. Had Izzy really caused her mother's death? She'd died on a drug overdose from the same drugs that had Izzy kicked out of home. Was it her fault her mother was six feet underground, the only thing to mark where she lay a small stone pillar marked 'Sheila Parker, beloved sister, wife and mother. July 1950 to September 2000'? Izzy would always reply to these questions, it was her mother's fault she was on the streets, living like she did.

_Up rode the squatter mounted on his thoroughbred  
Down came troopers one two three  
Whose that jumbuck you've got in the tuckerbag?  
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me_

Izzy bolted for the door, knocking someone out of the way. The shopkeeper was after her, slowly losing ground. Izzy knew if she wasn't fast enough, someone would eventually call the police. That was the last thing Izzy really needed, the police questioning her. Refusing to drop the camera, Izzy dodged around the people on the street, excited by the chase. She turned for a moment to see an old woman step in front of the shop owner, temporarily blocking his path. Izzy ran across the road to freedom.

_Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda  
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me  
And he sang as he watched and waited til his billy boiled  
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me_

What about Izzy's father? What role did he play in Izzy's life? Izzy's father had died a year after Izzy was born. Over the years, he had inherited millions of dollars worth of property and assets, which Sheila got when he died. That's why Izzy had lived in a good part of town. That's why Sheila thought she had to act perfect for everyone. Izzy often vaguely wondered what had happened to all of their things when her mother died, and what her father had been like. Then she'd tell herself off for thinking about things that she couldn't change, and think about MASH to take her mind off of the difficulties she faced.

_Up jumped the swagman and sprang into the billabong  
You'll never catch me alive said he  
And his ghost may be heard as you pass by that billabong  
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me._

Izzy heard the car horn, and turned just in time to see the car that would hit her. It was a red Ford Falcon, new model. Didn't look like it had done more than a thousand kilometres. (**Note:** about 620 miles) As Izzy's mind went black, her last thoughts were about not having to worry about the police for a while.

A crowd gathered around Izzy's still body, shocked to witness such a horrific thing. A man ran forward, checking Izzy's pulse and breathing. When he told the crowd she was dead, everyone was too shocked to see the shop owner pick up his stolen camera and stalk back to his shop.

Or the old couple walking up the street, as if nothing spectacular had happened.

_Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda  
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me  
And he sang as he watched and waited til his billy boiled  
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me

* * *

_

**Glossary**

**Waltzing **– walking along a bush track, apparently

**Matilda **– something you roll out onto the ground to sleep on

**Swagman **– unemployed drifter from the 1800's or whenever

**Billabong **- Aboriginal word for a waterhole or creek

**Coolibah **- Aboriginal word for a type of Australian tree, aka a eucalyptus

**Billy** – a tin with a wire handle used for boiling water and heating food

**Jumbuck **– an Aboriginal word for sheep

**Tucker Bag **– bag for food (or 'tucker', like the Aussie slang term)

**Squatter **– someone who owned land in the 1800's or whenever

**Troopers **– policemen


	11. A Series of Random Drabbles

**Kooshball: **Well, most people in the MASH part of FFN should know what a drabble is. If you don't, it's a fic, or even what seems to be part of a fic, that goes for exactly 100 words. Head over to TakenHawkeye's page after this, because she is the Queen of drabbles with 120 waiting to be read and reviewed. This chapter of "Five Ways to write a fanfiction" is a series of Izzy drabbles, from before, after and during the war. Enjoy, and don't forget to leave a review so I know what you want from Izzy next time!

* * *

'So what did Sidney have to say this time?'

'Not much,' Izzy said, shrugging the question off. Hawkeye tried again.

'Is he helping, though?' he asked.

'Helping with what? I'm not crazy, Hawkeye,' Izzy snapped. There was silence between them in the car for a few minutes.

'I'm sorry, Izzy,' Hawkeye said.

'It's ok.' Izzy paused a second. 'Sometimes I think I'm nuts, too.' Hawkeye glanced over at her, concerned.

'You're not crazy,' he said firmly after a minute. 'I've known you a long time, and I know you aren't crazy.'

Izzy smiled warmly at him. 'Thanks, Hawkeye,' she said.

* * *

Izzy sat in front of the TV, trying hard to pick up the dialogue through the music coming from the surrounding TV's and CD players. Hawkeye and BJ were setting up the bar made from Frank's cot, in the episode "Change of Command". Izzy imagined walking into the Swamp, and added her own dialogue to the story. In her fantasy, she was as witty as Hawkeye, smart as BJ, and wore beautiful clothes from Tokyo.

'Hey, you, get out,' the security guard said. The homeless teen ran out of the shop, knowing nothing like that could ever happen to her.

* * *

'You're not as bad as everyone says you are,' Izzy said.

'I could say the same about you,' Margaret replied.

'No-one talks about me like that,' Izzy said.

'Oh, a few of the lower ranking men do,' Margaret said, taking a swig from her beer.

'Damn Zale,' Izzy said. The Private looked up at Margaret. 'You know,' she said slowly. 'It'd be bad for our images if they knew we were friends.'

'Agreed,' Margaret said. The two tapped their bottles together in a sign of friendship, and sat quietly, their new friendship a secret between them and the Korean barmaid.

* * *

'Mummy, I'm bored,' Izzy said. Sheila picked up the seven year old and sat her on the sofa.

'There might be something on TV,' she said, sitting the blond girl down and picking up the TV guide. 'Here, watch this.' She flicked the TV on just in time to show helicopters flying over a mountain side, playing music that would become familiar to Izzy over the next few years. 'This is what I watched when I was younger,' Sheila said, leaving the room.

Twelve years later, Izzy became part of the same TV show she watched when she was seven.

* * *

Izzy stood nervously in front of the house as Hawkeye talked to his father. Neither her or Hawkeye had been sure how Daniel Pierce would react to her coming to live with them after the war, he'd been given no warning, no say in if she could or not. Izzy groaned to herself. Perhaps it would have been easier to go home with BJ. Peggy wouldn't have minded, she had suggested it in the first place. The door opened, and an older version of Hawkeye welcomed Izzy with open arms. A permanent home for the first time in six years.

* * *

'I adapt well,' Izzy said, taking a bite from her pretzel. 'First I was high class society. We had enough money to buy a country. Then, I'm on the streets, with no money.' Klinger nodded, his earrings sparkling in the light of the officer's club.

'Go on,' he said, pausing from wiping the glass dry.

'Then, I end up in Korea, during wartime.' She studied her pretzel a moment, then took another bite from it. 'One extreme to another,' she said. 'I've had to adapt all my life, and I'll probably have to keep adapting till the day I die.'


	12. What the Hell is happening on Not a TV S...

**_What the Hell is Going on in Not a TV show?

* * *

_**

**Kooshball Note:** Yes, finally, a cross over! If you haven't guessed already, this is a crossover between "Not a TV Show" and author Kitty Kat-Chan's "What the Hell is going on?" Unfortunately, I do not own MASH, Fox, or anything else in this fic, 'cept Izzy. Vicky is on loan, and I promised I'd send her back soon, so Kitty Kat-Chan could update quickly.

* * *

It was during a thunderstorm Izzy woke up in her cot to the sound of someone landing heavily on the ground in her tent. She fumbled for the light above her head, and when she finally turned it on, the swinging light revealed a girl groaning on the floor at the foot of her cot. Izzy tried to get out of the cot quickly, but ended up tripping on her blankets, scraping her hands as she broke her fall. She stood up and dusted herself off before becoming interested in the second girl.

She had blond hair, lighter in colour than Izzy's, and was younger than her, by at least a few years. She was still groaning, holding her head, so Izzy helped her up.

'Who are you and what the heck are you doing in my tent?' Izzy demanded. She gave a small gasp when she noticed the girl was wearing civilian clothes. And not just any old civilian clothes, these were hipster jeans, brand name shoes and a tight, black T-shirt that no respecting woman would have worn in the 1950's.

'Izzy?' the girl asked.

'Who are you?' Izzy asked, feeling slightly weird at hearing her name. _So this is how Hawkeye felt when I said his name when I first came here,_ she thought.

'Izzy, it's Vicky,' the girl said. She looked around the tent. 'Where are we?' she asked.

'I don't know you,' Izzy said, shaking her head.

'Course you do,' Vicky said, thunder sounding in the background. 'You live just a few streets from me.' Izzy continued to stare blankly at her.

'I've never seen you before,' she said. Vicky looked confused.

'But you live…' she glanced around as if looking for an explanation. 'How did we get here?' she asked.

'What time was it when you were at home?' Izzy asked.

'I don't know, about 7:45,' Vicky said.

'No, what year?' Izzy asked.

'You're acting _sooo_ weird,' Vicky said. She walked to the tent door and opened it. She stood there for a moment, stunned and she slammed it closed. She opened it slowly again and peeked out. She closed the door gently and turned back to Izzy. 'Where are we?' she asked. 'Out there, it looks like…'

'Korea?' Izzy suggested.

'It looks like the 4077th, from MASH,' Vicky said. Izzy nodded.

'It is,' she said.

'No way,' Vicky said. 'No way in hell. It's just a TV show.'

'What year are you from?' Izzy asked urgently. 'Maybe you came here the same way I did.'

'No way in hell. No. Nuh-uh. Not possible,' Vicky was saying over and over. She sat heavily onto a chair in the tent and it groaned loudly.

'Um, careful of the chair,' Izzy said. 'I think some prankster has been in here and--' The chair gave way and Vicky fell to the floor. 'It's not stable,' Izzy said. She went over to Vicky and helped her up. 'How do you know me?' Izzy asked, leading Vicky to her footlocker to sit down.

'You live a few streets over from me,' Vicky said faintly. 'You live with your Aunt, she found you on the streets of Sydney last year sometime.'

'Aunt Amy?' Izzy suggested. Vicky nodded. 'I haven't seen Aunt Amy for years. She lives over in America-'

'In South Carolina?' Vicky interrupted. Izzy nodded.

'Yeah, I think so,' she said. 'This is weird.'

'Not as weird as the time as when you tried telling me you'd spent the last six months in Korea, 1952,' Vicky said. 'Your Aunt wanted to send you to someone, but then you claimed it was just a dream. She'd thought you'd been into drugs on the streets.'

'I don't touch drugs,' Izzy scoffed. 'Wait, did you say that I said I'd been here for the last six months?' Vicky nodded after carefully thinking about Izzy's fast sentence. 'When I had a choice to go home or stay here, Aunt Amy must have been going to find me if I went back to Sydney,' Izzy muttered to herself. 'So if I'd gone back, I'd have ended up living with my Aunt.'

'Ugh, what are you going on about?' Vicky asked. 'You're making no sense.'

'Never mind,' Izzy said. 'The long and short of it is, we're at the 4077th, during the Korean War.'

'But MASH is a TV show,' Vicky said. 'You can't get sent into a TV show.'

'Ah, but it's not a TV show, this is real,' Izzy said. 'I don't know how, but we're here now.'

'So you really don't remember me?' Vicky asked. Izzy shook her head. 'I'm Vicky,' Vicky said, holding out a hand.

'Izzy,' Izzy replied, shaking it.

'So we're really in MASH, the TV show?' Vicky asked. Izzy nodded, and grinned.

'I'll show you around in the morning, if you like,' she said.

* * *

Izzy found she liked Vicky almost instantly. Her manner was slightly rude at times, her personality could be over the top, but she was also funny and someone to talk to from her own time, even if she was only fifteen.

The weather outside had calmed down by the time it got light, and Izzy decided to show Vicky around. Not that she needed it, being a MASH fan like herself; she'd know it better than her own home, as Izzy had done when she first appeared.

'Let's go to the Swamp,' Vicky begged. 'I wanna met Hawkeye and Trapper.'

'Wrong season,' Izzy said. 'Charles arrived here maybe two weeks ago. Anyway, BJ and Hawkeye were drinking last night, so they'll be in bed for hours. I want that to be my grand finale.' She led Vicky to the Post op first, where Charles was asleep, his head on the desk on the far wall. Izzy held her finger to her lips, and the two crept closer. Vicky poked Charles gently on the shoulder, as if checking to make sure he was real. He snorted in his sleep, and moved slightly, but didn't wake up. Vicky poked him again, slightly harder this time. Izzy grabbed her hand as she went to poke him a third time.

'Leave him alone, he's not as bad as you'd think,' Izzy hissed. Charles stirred, and both Izzy and Vicky jumped.

'He's waking up!' Vicky exclaimed.

'Hide,' Izzy said, pushing her towards the empty bed. Vicky was under the cot when Charles opened his eyes.

'What are you doing,' he growled, sitting up and stretching his limbs.

'Uh, waking you for breakfast,' Izzy said brightly. 'I didn't cook it this morning, but I hear it's army surplus eggs and bacon again.'

'A Winchester does not sleep on the job,' Charles said haughtily. He stood up. 'I knew you were here the moment you stepped in the door.'

'You keep telling yourself that, Charles,' Izzy called after him as he walked out.

'Not as bad as I'd think, huh?' Vicky asked.

'He's just annoyed cos I woke him,' Izzy said. 'He had a bad night last night, had to reopen a guy and almost lost him again after about four hours work.'

'Did you assist?' Vicky asked. Izzy stepped back in surprise.

'Me? Assist? I can't stand blood. Every time I go into the operating room while they're operating, I'm sick,' she said.

'Oh,' Vicky said. 'I don't blame you.'

Izzy grabbed Vicky's arm, took her outside and led her to Radar's office. The company clerk was still asleep, glasses on the framing of the tent, and teddy bear in one arm.

'He's so cute when he's asleep,' Vicky cooed. 'So innocent, so naive.' She paused to look at him for a moment. 'Wake him up!'

'Hey Radar,' Izzy said quietly, shaking his arm. 'Radar, get up.'

'Wha-?' Radar woke up with a start.

'Hey, just me,' Izzy said, calming him down.

'What are you doing, waking me up?' he said angrily, grabbing his glasses. He jammed them onto his face, and sort of stopped when he saw Vicky, watching him.

'Hey,' she said, giving a small wave.

'Radar, meet Vicky. She's, er, a friend of mine, I guess,' Izzy said, grinning.

'Whoa! Where'd she come from?' he asked, pulling his blanket up to his chin. Izzy shrugged.

'Same place as me, as far as we can tell,' she said.

'You were hit by a car, too?' Radar asked. Vicky shook her head.

'No, out in a thunder storm while walking the dog,' Vicky said. 'Wonder if he's ok…' she added thoughtfully, looking up at the ceiling as though she was pondering this very statement.

'Anyway, don't tell anyone she's here. I want to show her around before getting her sent away,' Izzy said.

'I must be dreaming,' Radar said, lying down again. 'I've gotta be dreaming. No more midnight snacks from now on.'

'See ya, Radar,' Vicky said as Izzy pulled her out of Radar's office.

'Who now?' Izzy asked.

'Hawkeye and BJ!' Vicky said.

'I'll take you to see Father Mulcahy,' Izzy replied, walking ahead. Vicky followed her, half sulkily. Izzy knocked on Father Mulcahy's door.

'Come in,' the gentle voice of the priest called. Izzy pushed Vicky in.

'Hey, Father,' she said. 'Met a new friend of mine. She's, uh, staying indefinitely.'

'Any friend of Izzy's is a friend of the camps,' Mulcahy said, smiling gently at Vicky. Vicky smiled back, and shook his hand.

'I can't believe I'm here,' she gushed. 'It's so great to actually meet everyone!'

'Uh, I've told her all about everyone,' Izzy lied. Father Mulcahy's door banged open and Klinger walked in. Vicky gave a half scream when she saw him.

'Here's your mail, Father,' Klinger said, handing Father Mulcahy a few letters. He was wearing a pale blue knee-length dress with embedded flowers around the neck.

'Kinda scary in the flesh, isn't he?' Izzy asked Vicky amusedly.

'Who's that?' Klinger asked, spotting the younger girl.

'Vicky, she's a friend,' Izzy explained.

'Another Australian?' Klinger asked.

'No, American,' Vicky said. 'Love the dress, by the way. Nice material—did you make it yourself?' Izzy pulled Vicky out of the tent, trying not to laugh.

'Want to go see Margaret?' Izzy asked between sniggers.

'Hotlips Houlihan? Why not?' Vicky said, grinning one of her ever-famous evil Cheshire cat-grins she was so famous for back home. Izzy led Vicky towards Margaret's tent, and knocked.

'Who is it?' a voice snapped inside.

'Private Parker requesting to see you, ma'am!' Izzy yelled, doing her imitation of a "good" soldier. Margaret slammed the door to her tent open and glared at Izzy.

'What do you want?' she demanded.

'Just saying hi,' Izzy said, shrugging. Margaret slammed the door in their faces, having not noticed Vicky.

'She's cheerful,' Vicky muttered loudly.

'Just annoyed she hasn't seen Donald what's-his-face since they married,' Izzy replied. 'To the Swamp, now.' Vicky's face lit up at the suggestion.

'Oh yeah,' she said, rubbing her hands together. The two girls headed for the Swamp, passing Colonel Potter who was coming back from the latrines. Izzy saluted him smartly, and Vicky did the same. Potter returned the salute, then stopped.

'Who in blue blazes are you?' he asked.

'I'm showing the new nurse around,' Izzy replied. 'This is Lieutenant Victoria Turner.'

'Yo,' Vicky said, grinning and flashing him a peace sign.

'You're a little young to be a nurse,' Colonel Potter said.

'She's very smart for her age. Got into nursing years before she was meant to graduate,' Izzy said quickly. 'She could have made a surgeon.'

'Had to lie to get into the army,' Vicky added. Potter shook his head.

'We don't need more kids to look after!' he snapped. 'Report to my office when you've finished, Turner.' He strode off towards his office, and Vicky and Izzy both giggled.

'Good thinking,' Vicky said.

'I'm surprised he fell for it,' Izzy admitted. 'Come on, we'll go wake up Hawkeye and BJ.'

Izzy and Vicky headed for the Swamp, Vicky skipping with excitement. Izzy held her finger to her lips when they reached the Swamp's door. There was a smile on her face that might have passed for evil, and she slipped inside, the excited younger girl following her. Izzy tiptoed over to BJ's cot, and motioned for Vicky to go to Hawkeye's.

It was like they could read each other's minds. Both paused to grin at each other, took a deep breath, and hollered 'AIR RAID!' at the tops of their voices. Hawkeye fell out of his cot, and BJ jumped. Izzy and Vicky howled with laughter.

'It's Izzy,' Hawkeye said to BJ, lifting himself up from the ground.

'Izzy, what are you doing?' BJ demanded, rubbing his arm where he had hit it on the edge of his cot.

'Sorry, couldn't help it,' Izzy grinned. 'Guys, I'd like you to meet Vicky.' Vicky gave a small wave.

'Aloha,' she said. Hawkeye jumped when he saw the younger girl.

'Where'd she come from?' he demanded. Izzy shrugged, grinning.

'I don't know,' she replied happily.

'Who else knows she's here?' BJ asked.

'Oh, everyone,' Izzy said. 'Don't worry, it's not like she can join the army like I did. She's underage.'

'Well, I hope you guys can get me home soon,' Vicky said. 'I've got school on Monday, you know.'

'Not until we've had some fun,' Izzy said, grinning. 'It's not every day someone my own age appears in my tent.'

Vicky grinned in a rather cat-like manner. 'Yes,' she said sweetly. 'It'd be a damn shame to go back home without leaving a rather... Memorable impression here, wouldn't you say?'

* * *

'Rosie's bar,' Izzy said, opening the door.

'Nice,' Vicky said, nodding. The two girls walked up to the bar, and sat down on the stools.

'What'll it be?' the Korean woman behind the bar asked.

'The usual,' Izzy said.

'Beer,' Vicky said. 'So they don't ask for ID here, huh?' Izzy grinned and shook her head.

'No. They don't worry about your age when it comes to drinking, not even in the Officer's club. The army here is pretty relaxed,' she said. 'Of course, you should know that as much as I do.'

'Yeah, right,' Vicky said, grinning back. 'So what is the usual?' she asked as the barmaid put a bottle and a can onto the bar in front of them.

'Local wine,' Izzy replied, taking the bottle. 'Very sweet and very alcoholic. I try to stay away from it as much as I can, but I always end up having more than I thought.' She grinned and held up the bottle. 'To time warps. We wouldn't be here without them.' Vicky tapped Izzy's outstretched glass.

'I still say it's impossible,' Vicky said. Izzy shrugged with a grin. She already knew it was impossible.

A few hours and several drinks later, the two were still there, their words slurring together. They stumbled out of Rosie's Bar at closing time, giggling drunkenly.

'Hee hee... You know who I wish was here?' giggled Vicky as she leaned against her drunk friend.

'Who?' Izzy slurred.

'Ferret Face! Boy, I'da liked a chance to seriously screw his mind up...'

The two girls stared at each other for about 5 seconds before they burst into laughter.

'Ol' Ferret Face,' Izzy giggled. 'You know, we should do something to remember him by.'

(Note: the following goes to the tune of Frosty the Snowman, and some of it may not exactly rhyme, but don't worry, cause it's not suppose to—after all, it's sung by two drunk girls)

'Oh, Fran-kie, the ferret, was a snobby, sour soul,' Vicky suddenly began to sing in a horribly off-key voice.

'With two squinty eyes, and a huge ego, he looked like a hip—hic!—po!' sang Izzy. Vicky sang the next line.

'Frankie, the ferret, was a bona fide major they say. He loved on Maggie—'

'And ate Hot Pockets—' Izzy sang. Then the two girls fell into fits of drunken laughter, not caring about the many stares they were receiving from passing personnel. They stumbled away into the night, their singing growing louder and more jumbled as they went.

* * *

Izzy woke up in someone else's cot. She knew it wasn't her cot, because it didn't have her quilt on it, and there was too much light in the tent for it to be hers. She cautiously opened one bloodshot eye, but closed it quickly as the sun hit it. From what she could tell, she was in the Swamp. She opened her eyes again, cringing in the light. Vicky was snoring gently in Hawkeye's chair, her leg swung up on the arm rest, and her mouth open. Izzy closed her eyes again; it was too early to even think about moving.

'Wakey, wakey,' said a voice cheerfully.

'Get lost, Hawkeye,' Izzy groaned. 'We're hung over and tired.' BJ made a clucking noise.

'How many times have we told you, Izzy, it's not good for you to drink so much,' he said.

'I wasn't sick anywhere,' Izzy argued, sitting up slowly. 'Hey, get up,' she said, pushing Vicky's shoulder. The younger girl jumped.

'What the hell? Who the effin' hell is waking me up at this ungodly hour of the effin' mornin', God dammit!' Vicky shouted loudly at being woken up. 'Oh, god, it wasn't a dream.'

'Nope,' Izzy said. 'Room service sent up out wake up call. We've got an appointment at the Mess tent, remember?' Vicky stood up; her hangover didn't seem to be half as bad as Izzy's. Or maybe she was just good at hiding it.

'Let's go then,' Vicky said to Izzy, mentally wincing at the pain that suddenly shot through her brain. 'What are we waiting for?' Izzy groaned and pulled herself wearily out of the cot. Turned out it had been Hawkeye's cot, and Izzy vaguely wondered where he had spent the night. Possibly with a nurse in the supply room.

Izzy didn't quite understand Vicky's excitement to get to the Mess tent. She hadn't eaten there yesterday, their morning was too exciting for breakfast, and they'd gotten drunk instead of having dinner. For lunch, they had pigged out on BJ's food parcel from home. Maybe having a meal in the Mess tent for a fan of MASH was like drinking underage – everyone had to try it once.

Waiting in line, Izzy tried not to fall asleep. Vicky was talking animatedly to everyone around her, the corpsmen, the nurses, and the surgeons. It annoyed her that Vicky seemed to be so sunny that morning, even though she'd promised Izzy she wasn't a morning person. Maybe it was the idea of being at the 4077th.

The group collected their slop called breakfast and went and found a few seats together. Actually, Vicky, Hawkeye and BJ were at one table, Izzy had to sit on the next one, her back to them.

'Awww, is Izzy no longer the surgeon's pet?' Zale asked as he walked past.

'Stick it,' Izzy snapped, her headache pounding in her head. She didn't like Zale, and he didn't like her. There were disagreements when Izzy stood up for Klinger one time, and when Zale had refused to give her a requisition form for a new uniform when hers went missing. She had a sneaky suspicion that it had been him that had tampered with the chair in her tent, too. Zale left, laughing quietly to himself.

Izzy turned around and felt a twinge of jealousy as Hawkeye talked animatedly to Vicky. She loved having Vicky around, but she was annoyed at the attention Vicky was getting. The American girl was younger than her, and she had the sparkling, "new" look everyone has at one stage. She was from the same country as the others; Izzy could never have that kind of connection with them. Heck, she even seemed like more fun.

A spot on their table quickly came up as a corpsman finished eating, and abandoning her food, Izzy took the seat quickly.

'Let's go play baseball,' she said to Vicky, pointing to the compound where some of the other personnel playing. She felt if she had to sit there and listen to her and Hawkeye "bond" much longer, she'd go crazy with jealously.

'Ok,' Vicky agreed, pushing her tray away from her. 'This food is disgusting, anyway.' Hawkeye and BJ stood up with them.

'Count us in,' Hawkeye said. 'I haven't played baseball in years.'

'Neither have I,' BJ added, and Izzy groaned to herself. Australia didn't play softball, they were a cricket country. It was another thing Vicky could do that she couldn't. But Izzy was determined to get over her jealousy.

Within twenty minutes, Izzy had forgotten her resentment, and was enjoying herself immensely. Hawkeye was up to bat, and he hit the baseball over Izzy and Vicky's heads, and over the tents. The two girls ran for it as it flew through the air.

'I got it! I got it!' Izzy yelled, trying to keep track of it's flight path. Vicky was running for the ball too, and they tripped over each other in the stiff grass behind the nurses tents, laughing at each other.

Until the ball landed and blew up.

Both girls looked at the charred remains of the ball. Izzy stood up and looked around, growing pale as she realised what had happened.

'We're not…" Vicky asked. Izzy nodded, looking almost sick.

'Yeah, we're in the mine field,' she said. The two girls looked at each other silently for a minute.

'HELP! We're in the minefield!' both girls started screaming at the top of their lungs.

As we all know, fear messes with people's minds. This situation was no different. In a state of panic, the two girls were clutching each other fearfully as they screamed to the top of their lungs.

'My God, we're gonna die! Holy mother-effin' shit, WE ARE GOING TO DIE!' screamed Vicky.

'I don't want to die! I haven't pulled my latest prank yet!' Izzy wailed.

'WE DON'T WANNA DIE!' the two girls screamed together before burying their faces into the other's shoulder as they sobbed hysterically.

Hawkeye and BJ came running around the tents, and they skidded to a halt when they noticed where the girls were.

'Izzy! Vicky! Don't move,' Hawkeye yelled at them.

'HELP!' screamed Vicky once she saw the surgeon we all know and love.

Izzy mentally swore to herself that if she got out of this alive, she would personally set up some sort of fence around the stupid minefield.

'Right,' Izzy shouted back. 'How are you gonna get us out?'

'Do you remember where you stepped to get in there?' BJ yelled. Both girls looked at each other and shook their heads.

'No,' Vicky yelled back. She was trembling, believing she'd be there the rest of her now very short life.

'We can sort of see where we rolled,' Izzy said, pointing to the flattened grass. There was a distinct shake in her voice. 'There won't be any mines there.' She started walking forwards, Vicky behind her, their hands clamped tightly together.

'What are you doing? Stop moving!' Hawkeye yelled at them frantically. Izzy stopped at the edge of the flattened grass.

'Now what?' Vicky asked. Izzy shook her head. 'I suggest we don't blow up,' Vicky said.

'I'll go with that,' Izzy said.

'Stay there, we'll find a way to get you out!' Hawkeye yelled at them as BJ ran off to find someone.

'I never even went to see Colonel Potter in his office, you know,' Vicky said with a hysterical giggle. Izzy let out a laugh.

'Yeah, the army will be real mad if you don't sign the guest book,' she joked, trying to keep the fear away.

'What are you two laughing at? You're in a minefield!' Hawkeye yelled at them. Izzy took a deep breath to calm herself down.

'What are you going to do?' she yelled to him.

'We're still thinking about it,' he said, shrugging helplessly.

'What about a chopper to lift us out?' Vicky suggested to Izzy.

'What about a helicopter?' Izzy yelled out.

'For God's sakes, do SOMETHING, man! We are too young to die! I HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN MY FIRST KISS YET!' Vicky roared, losing her cool for a moment.

'I don't think there are any here at the unit at the moment,' Hawkeye shouted.

'What if they get wounded? We could be stuck here for hours before anyone rescues us,' Vicky said.

'The only thing I can think of,' Izzy said slowly, 'is to risk it, and run out.'

'That's the best we've got?' Vicky yelled at her. Izzy looked at Vicky. She felt scared, more scared than she wanted to show. The sweat was running off her like she'd just come from the showers, and if she stayed there much longer, she'd probably start crying. If Vicky hadn't been there, she might have already started.

'Hawkeye, what if we just run straight out?' Izzy yelled.

'No way, absolutely not,' Hawkeye yelled back, shaking his head.

'We ran in,' Izzy said. Hawkeye continued to shake his head.

'We need a plan,' Vicky said. Izzy sat down, breathing heavily.

'I could walk out slowly, in front of you,' she said. 'Find a safe path. You could follow after me.'

'Yeah, and what if you get blown up?' Vicky asked.

'You've got more to live for than me,' Izzy said. 'You have a home, a family, a future.' Vicky was shaking her head.

'I'd rather a plan where we both made it out alive. Back home, you were one of the very few I could trust. You still are. If you died out here, Izzy, I don't know what I'd do. I'm not going to let you die,' she said, a slight shake in her voice. Izzy suddenly felt very guilty about her jealousy between Vicky and Hawkeye. After all, it didn't seem to matter much now, did it? The two girls hugged—very briefly, mind you—before standing up and facing towards Hawkeye.

Izzy sat down again and picked up a loose rock from near her foot and threw it towards the compound. It landed about halfway between Hawkeye and the girls, exploding another mine. Vicky and Izzy screamed, and it took them a moment to realise Hawkeye was yelling.

'What the hell are you doing?' he shouted. 'Where's Izzy? She didn't try running back, did she?' Izzy stood up.

'It was a rock,' she said. Hawkeye looked relieved.

'Don't either of you do that to me!' he yelled. BJ came jogging up to Hawkeye.

'One of the chopper pilots is coming from the front line now,' he yelled to them. 'Sit tight!'

'Oh thank god,' Izzy said. Vicky was still shaking from the mine going off.

'I don't like Korea any more,' Vicky mumbled. Izzy grinned at her nervously.

'While we wait, a few truth or dares, without the dares,' she said. 'What do you hate most?'

'Maths,' Vicky said. 'Oh crap, I have an Algebra test on Monday and I haven't studied for it yet!' She groaned loudly. Izzy giggled.

'Never mind,' she said. 'Ok how about…'

'No, it's my turn now,' Vicky said. 'Who's your favourite in the camp?'

'There is no way I could choose,' Izzy said, for some stupid reason, her eyes starting to tear up. She blinked quickly to keep the tears back. 'They're the family I never had.' She sniffed and smiled a little. 'Ok, biggest regret?'

'Playing baseball in a war zone,' Vicky said. 'Ok, I've got another one. What is the one thing you want in the whole world?' Vicky asked. Izzy was thoughtful a moment.

'For one person to believe I'm not crazy,' she said.

'You've got me,' Vicky said as the chopper could suddenly be heard.

'I bet you thought I was crazy back in South Carolina,' Izzy said. Vicky was quiet. 'Don't worry about it,' Izzy said, the helicopter now in view. 'I'd think I was crazy if I were in your shoes.'

The overhead chopper dropped down a rope ladder, and Izzy made Vicky get onto it first. They were lifted up slowly, and taken across to where Hawkeye and BJ were waiting, eyes squinting against the wind. The chopper let the two girls down gently, and Hawkeye and BJ hugged them both. BJ gave the chopper pilot a thumbs up, and the helicopter flew away.

'I'm glad you two kids are ok,' Hawkeye said.

'So are we,' Vicky said. Izzy found she was still shaking.

'I'm going to my tent,' she declared. 'You know, lie down, relax, catch up on missed sleep.' Vicky nodded enthusiastically.

'I'm with ya,' she said. They walked away together, leaning on each other for support. Back in Izzy's tent, the two girls collapsed onto the cot.

'That was scary,' Izzy said.

'Yeah,' Vicky replied, throwing an arm over her eyes to block out any light. She frowned and looked closely at her arm. 'Izzy, I'm fading!' Vicky exclaimed, sitting up hurriedly. Izzy sat up as well, and grabbed her friend's hand.

'No, you can't be,' Izzy said. Vicky was vanishing fast, and Izzy gripped her hand tightly. Suddenly, it wasn't there any more.

'Watch out for the enemy, Izzy,' Vicky said before she disappeared entirely.

'Vicky!' Izzy yelled. There was no reply, and Izzy sat heavily on her cot, breathing heavily. 'She must have gone home,' Izzy told herself. 'It's where she belongs.' This didn't stop tears sliding down her cheeks.

Hawkeye and BJ walked in to check up on the two girls.

'Where's Vicky?' BJ asked, looking around.

'She went home,' Izzy said, wiping her eye.

'How?' Hawkeye asked. Izzy shrugged.

'I don't know. Same way she got here, I guess,' she said. She saw Hawkeye and BJ exchange glances. Izzy knew that after a thorough search for Vicky was made, Sidney Freedman would be making another stop at the 4077th in the next few weeks to see her.

* * *

Vicky's eyes open.

'She's awake!' Izzy's Aunt Amy said. Vicky looked around confusedly. She was in a large white room, her grandparents, Izzy and Izzy's Aunt Amy looking excitedly at her.

'What happened?' Vicky asked, turning to Izzy.

'You were struck by lightning, sweetheart,' her grandmother said. She was looking pale, and almost normal. The safari hat kind of looked out of place.

'Don't crowd the girl,' her grandfather said. 'Leave her to talk to Izzy for a while, let her relax.'

'Don't excite her too much,' Amy told Izzy before leaving with the two elderly people.

'What happened?' Vicky repeated.

'You were out walking Maxie,' Izzy explained. 'You got hit by lightning, just outside our place, and I found you. Maxie's ok, but you've been out of it since the night before.' Vicky sat up.

'Do you know where I was?' she asked Izzy excitedly. Izzy shook her head, looking worried for her friend. 'I was in Korea. I was at the 4077th!' A flicker of recognition in Izzy's eyes.

'You must have hit your head a bit hard,' she said cautiously.

'Izzy, I was really there, like you were before,' Vicky said in a low voice. Izzy looked conflicted, like she didn't know whether to ask about it, or deny it.

'I was never at the 4077th,' Izzy said, turning away.

'You had your own tent, with magazine cut outs of Australia on the walls,' Vicky said. 'And a homemade patchwork quilt.' Izzy bit her tongue.

'I don't know…' she said slowly.

'It was you if you had stayed there,' Vicky said, sensing the older girl was weakening, 'instead of coming back to the future.' Izzy burst into tears.

'I was so stupid to tell Hawkeye about my life in Sydney,' she said. Vicky climbed out of the large bed, and wrapped an arm around Izzy's shuddering shoulders.

'Hey, you made up with Hawkeye, don't worry,' Vicky soothed. Izzy looked up, feeling slightly stupid in front of the younger girl.

'Yeah?' she asked. Vicky nodded.

'You're both happy there,' she said. Izzy wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and stood up straight.

'Sorry. First that idiot dumped me, then you get hurt…' Izzy said. She grinned weakly. 'So, what happened in Korea?' Izzy asked. Vicky grinned, sat back on the bed and started telling Izzy what they had been up to.

* * *

**Kooshball note: **Firstly, I'd like to thank Kitty Kat-Chan for lending me her character, Vicky, who incidentally, has her own fic kind of similar to Izzy's own story. If you haven't read "What the Hell is going on?", I suggest you go read it now.

I'd like to thank Kitty a second time for proof reading and giving Vicky that little extra something that makes her an interesting character.

Finally, to everyone who has read, reviewed, or both, thank you for reading my work, reviews are the main thing that keeps me writing!


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